By The Sea

Tuesday 2 October 2012

By The Sea

Greetings fellow plebs - oh yes, we are all in this together...

Just back from a pilgrimage to the holy land, or Yorkshire as it's more commonly known. To be exact, the East Riding of Yorkshire and a little village called Hempholme. It's so small that the speed limit signs are in Roman numerals! Hang on, that's not right is it? The village was so old fashioned the speed limit signs were in Roman numerals...or should it be Viking glyphs?

Mrs B and I were accompanied on our journey of enlightenment by Miss Twillets and her two beagles, Serge and Lottie.

The basic idea of the trip was a chance to recharge our batteries and to visit parts of the country that had remained untouched by the Gurus influence thus far. This meant trips to Bridlington, Scarborough and Flamborough Head to name but a few.

Our base of operations and temporary ashram was a cottage on a farm in the aforementioned hamlet of Hempholme, which for those with map reading skills is four miles north west of Brandesburton. The cottage was called River View and the reason for this became apparent as we stood in our bedroom window looking out at the magnificent view of...drum roll...a grass field.

We did cross over the river en route to the cottage and I guess if we had stood on the roof we might have glimpsed it over the hedge at the end of the grass field.

The accommodation was all we needed, a simple little palace with plenty of room to sacrifice the odd battle of Pinot in the evening. Mrs B and I were given the bedroom which contained a four poster bed...not at all comfortable but very useful for other purposes. Nothing to do with handcuffs you mucky minded swine...handy for Mrs B to knot her wool around as she laid in bed knitting bed jackets for the elderly and infirm of Filey and environs.

The grounds of the cottage were plagued with rabbits and everywhere you went there were signs of their activity in fact there were so many rabbit droppings it looked there had been an explosion in a current factory. Serge decided that he quite liked to eat them, I suppose to him they were a sort of canine aperitif - he wolfed them down in the same way Mrs B hoovers up olives.

On our first full day we decided to visit Bridlington as we knew that they had a dog friendly beach. The weather was beautiful and as we set off for what would turn into a ninety minute emotional roller coaster, we were able to let the beagles off their leads and watch as they playfully rolled in the sand.

Sadly Serge decided that all of this rolling and running about was thirsty work and with a stomach full of rabbit droppings he decided he needed a drink so he ran through tidal pools scooping up copious amounts of sea water in the style of a very small blue whale...he then discovered the decaying claw from a dead crab and decided that one more morsel of seafood would finish his meal nicely.

Now, it didn't take too long before Serge had a very sad expression on his face, and then the real fun began. Great steaming gushes of green watery poo were ejaculated from his rear end sending all of us into fits of laughter which only made Serge feel even worse and he decided to throw up too!

The ejaculated liquid from both ends disappeared quite quickly into the sand and all that remained were semi digested rabbit droppings.

After a while the poor dog started to look a little better and Lottie, who had kept well away from all of this mess, decided she should come and give her brother some moral support. Sadly, as she passed by his rear end, he exploded once more and sent a stream of green liquid over her head and back.

At this point Mrs B and Miss Twillets both wet themselves but again the sand was there to mop up any evidence of their incontinence.

During the course of the week we would return to various beaches and each time we did, Serge drank sea water and became very sick. So the old maxim is true, you can take a dog to water but horses don't like New Tricks or perhaps they just don't like Water(man).

I did manage to take a few rather artful photographs during the journey and eventually we managed to visit quite a stretch of coastline from Scarborough down to Withernsea.

I find walking along the seashore very restful and I also enjoy picking up the odd stone which I can put in my beautifully manicured garden here on the hill - on this trip I not only located some nice stones but a few old fossils too. The old fossils were shopping in Morrisons.

Now fully recharged, I am back at work and looking forward to my next mini safari which will see Mrs B and I return to the Norfolk coast in November - I think we shall need long socks and a scarf.

I hope you are all well and looking forward to whatever life holds in store, I suppose you will all be out shopping for Christmas - well it is only eight weeks or so away. I can hardly wait!

Here are some pictures for you to admire...