Friday 11 June 2010

The View from the Hill on Friday 11th June

At what point does a pre-packed Waitrose sandwich become inedible?

I ask this question because Mrs B asked me to pick her up a mixed pepper and houmous sandwich yesterday, which I did (I had tuna and cucumber - 251 calories) but I was a little confused on the date front and have just realised that its display and use by date were yesterday!

So my question is based upon the need to identify at what point did the sandwich transfer from edible to inedible status? Was it at exactly midnight? Or do you think it might have had some weak lettuce or some anaemic peppers and so drifted into inedibility a little earlier? Perhaps the strength of the bread will allow the sandwich to cling on a little past the midnight deadline - perhaps the houmous is made from very resolute chick peas and bolstered by a little garlic they are able to save the sandwich and extend its life through until lunchtime today?

Anyway, I think it safer to simply get a pen and change the date so Mrs B doesn't realise what she's eating.

I hear on the news that football fans in Derby are going to march in protest on the city square this lunch time, they are protesting that the Council will not show the World Cup on the big screen tv they have there. I think the very fact that they will be protesting shows that the council is right! You don't want lots of unemployed drunken yobs cluttering the centre of Derby every day of the week - save the big screen for more gentile events like the ballet.

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"But hummus. When did that happen?...but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup."

Karl Pilkington

Wednesday 9 June 2010

The View from the Hill on Wednesday 9th June

Sorry I'm a little late blogging today - it was a fox who stole the keyboard and then sat on the roof with it, laughing.

I do wonder if we can get through a whole day without foxes appearing on the news? There again I just realised Fox News has its own channel!

A day for writing today, lots to do and I also have a lunchtime appointment to go to the pub - a very rare occurrence for me. I shall drink only mineral water of course.

As I look in my diary I see the first ceremony I have to write is for a Mr Fox!

It makes a nice change for me to be able to write funerals for people who have all reached a good age, of the next five I am preparing the youngest is 73 and the oldest 94 - and yet last night I was sat with a family who have lost a husband and father aged just 48.

Enough about work, what about play - I hope that tomorrow evening myself and the Junior Partner will be recording another episode of our world famous podcast - You Might Regret It.  We haven't done one for weeks and so it will interesting to see if we can still produce the magic. Well when I say we, I mean he, I do carry his meagre talent but it's nice to see him try - it's like care in the community or voluntary work for me.

Well, these funerals wont write themselves - off to jolly old work we go.

Have a nice day and I think I'll post you a nice song to listen to - now let's see....

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To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

W Shakespeare   Macbeth

Tuesday 8 June 2010

The View from the Hill on Tuesday 8th June

I finished my audio book yesterday whilst traveling to Lincoln via Sturton Le Steeple (never been there before) and this meant I was forced to listen to the radio - You and Yours on Radio 4 was about Retirement and Nursing Homes and as I have already picked out my choice for both my parents and in-laws, I had no need of the information they were sharing.

On twiddling the knob, I found myself in the world of Jeremy Vine - and what a world it is.

They started out talking about the children attacked by a fox in London - including contributions from animal rescue workers, a retired farmer and a man who keeps several of the animals as pets.
There was also a reporter who was obviously standing outside the house where the attack occurred, describing in very severe tones what she believed had happened and reporting how the mother had been escorted to the hospital through the throng of reporters - and that she was wearing a stripy top!

Why was there a throng of reporters I wondered? Were they all from the Daily Mail and will todays headlines read something like - This would never have happened if we hadn't banned hunting!

Meanwhile the reporter intoned how pest control had caught the fox and it had been humanely destroyed...Vine quickly asked "was it the same fox"? The reporter went quiet for a second before commenting that obviously there was no way of knowing.

Where were the CSI team, they could have made sure that the real offender was in custody but no - we just start killing foxes because they are all killers!

There was a man who rang in to say that he had lost millions of chickens over the years to killer foxes, that foxes had picked the locks on a secure barn and basically butchered his chickens and then painted rude graffiti on the walls bragging of how they would come back and dig up his cabbages too!

Luckily some sanity was restored with the man who kept pet foxes, he reported how they were better than dogs because they like to nibble his ears!

So, that was half an hour of Jeremy Vine - luckily I then arrived at my destination and when I came out of the appointment I was keeping they were talking about a council taking an overweight dog from it's owners - didn't ask what they did with overweight children?

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Then old Mother Flipper-Flopper jumped out of bed,
Out of the window she cocked her head,
Crying, "John, John! The gray goose is gone,
And the fox is on the town-o, town-o, town-o!"
Crying, "John, John! The gray goose is gone,
And the fox is on the town-o!"

The Fox - Peter Paul and Mary