You are all cordially invited to join me as I celebrate my 50th birthday this week - not in person of course as I don't want just anyone in the house! You can join me in spirit as I celebrate the fact that I have staggered (almost - let's not tempt fate) to this milestone birthday.
I'm not depressed about this event, nor am I going to have some mid-life crisis and buy a Harley Davidson, I'm happy to be fifty. I'm happy to be alive.
In the last couple of years Mrs B and I have tried to enjoy life more, she still works too hard in my opinion and for too little reward but she loves the job and it keeps her out of my way and allows me time to talk to all of you.
We have been to the theatre quite a bit and we have drunk champagne and we have had some nice holidays and we see this is as our reward for having had some bumps in the road - not least losing Danny and Jake...I'll miss them this week. Of all the presents I would love to have received, it would have been a pair of socks with some silly saying about 'Dad'.
Anyway, let's not dwell on that.
As a Guru, I am entitled to a birthday week and the events to celebrate my arrival on earth begin with a special radio broadcast on BBC Radio 4 at 3pm today. Brain of Britain - I get my arse kicked but it was something I wanted to do.
Tomorrow I have a chance to walk amongst the great unwashed in Tesco and look down my nose at people, that will be a great treat. I will then visit Waitrose or Marks and Spencers food hall and treat myself to an Eccles cake to have with my afternoon tea.
On Wednesday, Mrs B and I hope to be heading off to Wales, to a very swish little hotel where we will spend my actual birthday before, on Friday, heading back to the bosom of my family for a proper noisy family get-together.
Now all of this is dependant on a few matters which I can't discuss, but even if I don't get away with Mrs B I will still be quite happy to sit on my hill and rejoice in the fact that I have become so important in the lives of so many people...I may not be as popular as Jesus but I can at least pass on my wisdom without fear of being crucified (not counting the one I get on Brain of Britain).
So welcome to my birthday week - please don't don't send gifts, just to know that you are there is the greatest gift any Guru could wish for...oh and perhaps an iPad?
Let me close with these words of wisdom...
words of wisdom