Good morning my little shoal of whitebait - do you smell what the Guru is cooking?
Now, unless you watch WWE wrestling and know about The Rock, the above comment will mean nothing to you - then again much of what I say in general means nothing to you, so this feeling of bewilderment and wonder will not be a new one.
I used to love watching the wrestling, from Big Daddy, Kendo Nagasaki and Les Kellett through to Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, then right on up to the days of The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the like.
I sat and watched the recording of the live show from the US last night - celebrating The Rock's birthday and of course they might have mentioned the death of Bin Laden, they do patriotism with a passion in the US.
I had also watched the snooker final - impressive action from John Higgins in the frame that won the championship - outstanding snooker.
It's all good stuff, uplifting and life affirming, seeing people succeed in life and finding happiness - and I want all of my little followers to help someone else feel as happy as The Rock and John Higgins - I want you to vote 'YES' for AV on Thursday. Go on, give Nick Clegg something to smile about.
Let me tell you why - if there are only two people in the race then one of them will always get more than fifty percent of the vote and will therefore have a majority of support in their constituency - but if there are three or more people in the race then the first past the post will often fall short of the overall majority.
I think politicians should represent a majority of their constituents - and it is as simple as that.
I also think the 'NO' campaign are shameful in their use of scare tactics - for example, Hitler was elected under AV, yes perhaps he was but then again so was Ed Miliband.
What have we got to lose by voting 'YES'?
During this present election, like many people, I have not been canvassed once - that is because my vote is taken for granted and my vote is not valued - I would like my vote to have meaning and I would like those who want to represent me to come and tell me why I should vote for them.
Anyway, you vote with your conscience, but please vote.
Now, I know that being overweight can increase your risk of heart disease but now I hear on the news that being overweight can increase your likelihood of developing dementia...
sorry what was I saying?
NO! It's no joke - just think about it, each bag of crisps, each pork pie sandwich, each extra topping on your cheese stuffed crust pizza may be the bite that pushes you over the edge and into confusion.
If it does, at least you might forget that you will die of a heart attack.
Now go, exercise and enjoy a grape for your lunch - be thin and miserable, you will live longer and because your mind is sharp you will know just how miserable life without fish fingers can be!
Happy Birthday Frankie Valli - The Guru smells what you're cooking!
Walk Like A Man!
Monday, 2 May 2011
I drag myself to the electronic tablet and I place my fingers on the slimline keyboard and my task this morning is to communicate with my little clique and to tell them the great news - Osama Bin Laden is dead!
What do you mean, you already know? Where did you hear it? Not on the news was it?
Quite a weekend, we started with a wedding and we ended with a funeral - and in between there were the deaths of Ted Lowe and Sir Henry Cooper. There was also a full on session in the ashram last evening where copious amounts of Pinot were dispatched and a chicken sacrificed for the visiting dignitaries.
It is as if we knew in advance that a little party was called for - and the laughter came thick and fast.
And still one more day to come in this long weekend, and you have to think to yourself, what can the world do now to top what we have woken up to this morning?
Of course, killing Bin Laden is totemic, a moment for people to celebrate but this sadly will be a short lived phase in the battle, how soon before we get the reprisals and another man goes to the top of the list and the battle resumes - a never ending battle I fear.
But that should not deflect us from enjoying Monday 2nd May 2011 and recalling how fitting that Osama died on May Day - may day, may day, may day. Sorry, you can call for help but it aint coming Osama!
I said that yesterday was a day for singing, I predicted that it was a good day - yet again, I was right. But you knew that all along didn't you, my little gang of lemmings.
Go, eat, drink and be merry - for tomorrow we go to work. (some of us will be at work today but a Guru has to be on call 24/7).
PS - Happy Birthday to the mini Guru Max.