I have just been contacted by Tesco, who thanked me for my on-going advertisement of their stores - they then pointed out that they do stock venison, but only in some of their stores in the posh parts of the south.
The reason they don't stock it in Mansfield is that venison has hardly any fat in it, thereby making it inedible to the cave dwellers of the midlands and the north.
Thank you Tesco - every little helps.
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Sunday, 5 September 2010
If You Insist
What more could any man need - I have a nice cup of English Breakfast tea at my side, (it is in a free gift china mug from Laithwaites who supply the wine for special occasions in the Guru's ashram - special occasions like most Saturdays) and crumpets await the grill but first I must regale you with my latest missive.
Proud of our middle class status, Mrs B and I headed off at the crack of dawn yesterday to the Chatsworth Country Fair - nothing more middle class than a country fair at a stately home is there? I was in search of a field umbrella and we needed to source information on mud magnet door mats and dovecotes. We were correctly attired for the day in our comfortable walking clothes and boots, I had my rucksack with emergency first aid kit and supplies but as soon as we got out of the car I felt like I was in the car park at Tesco. There were some ladies wearing flip flops - yes, flip flops! There were men in open toed sandals and vest tee shirts! I could almost feel the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire vibrating with rage as she viewed these commoners wandering around her land. Fancy wearing open toed sandals in a field full of sheep poo.
Anyway, we made our way through the peasants and started wandering up and down the avenues of trade stands. It had cost £30 to get into the venue and so many of those in flip flops were not able to afford anything on display having spent their benefits on the entry fee and their drugs and cigarettes, but Mrs B and I were able to purchase some organic fire lighters as well as a Chatsworth sausage in a bread bun. Not much change out of a twenty but we ploughed on.
The trade stands were mostly cheap clothing, not so cheap wellington boots, safari huts for the garden and useless cooking utensils - no sign of mud magnets, no sign of dovecotes and the only field umbrella I found was £175.00, so we came home empty handed (except for the organic fire lighters).
Being Chatsworth, some of the visitors had brought their dogs with them and in past years we had noticed and followed the trends of what dogs seemed popular - this year it was springer spaniels. The people with the springer spaniels were not wearing flip flops nor tee shirts - most were in tweed or moleskin.
Those in flip flops that had brought dogs had brought Staffies - what else?
It is so disheartening to think that this previous bastion of middle class England is being invaded by those that Noel Coward called 'the wrong people'.
Luckily, earlier in the week we went to the theatre, so we had managed to spend quality time with our own people - the pretentious middle classes.
We had been to see The Country Girl with Martin Shaw and Jenny Seagrove, now let me first of all say that I totally agree with my newest and dearest friend, Christine Hamilton, name dropping is so tasteless and when Martin came over to see us before the show I just spoke to him as I would speak to any of you - although I don't have many autographs from the rest of you.
He was a charming man, I'm sure he and Christine Hamilton would get on well together. Mrs Hamilton, or Christine as I call her, and I became close as I supported her throughout the trials and tribulations of Celebrity Master Chef. Even though she did not win, it was with really my support that kept her going.
You see, I know people, I can read them and so I could see that all this battle axe nonsense was just that - I suggested she cry a little and show the public her softer side. She is so grateful and she even sent me her recipe for her venison dish - and you don't get venison in Tesco!
Supporting others, this is my role in life, Christine, Martin, Jenny and do you remember Jessica Martin, the singer and impressionist - well I stumbled across her too and offered her some words of support - it can't be easy for people like Jessica, once a star now a backing singer, but I told her to keep at it - you never know, her old fashioned talent might come back into vogue one day.
Now, where did I put those crumpets?
Have a good time, success with your weekly endeavours my darling children, and remember it could be worse, you could own flip flops and a Staffie.
Proud of our middle class status, Mrs B and I headed off at the crack of dawn yesterday to the Chatsworth Country Fair - nothing more middle class than a country fair at a stately home is there? I was in search of a field umbrella and we needed to source information on mud magnet door mats and dovecotes. We were correctly attired for the day in our comfortable walking clothes and boots, I had my rucksack with emergency first aid kit and supplies but as soon as we got out of the car I felt like I was in the car park at Tesco. There were some ladies wearing flip flops - yes, flip flops! There were men in open toed sandals and vest tee shirts! I could almost feel the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire vibrating with rage as she viewed these commoners wandering around her land. Fancy wearing open toed sandals in a field full of sheep poo.
Anyway, we made our way through the peasants and started wandering up and down the avenues of trade stands. It had cost £30 to get into the venue and so many of those in flip flops were not able to afford anything on display having spent their benefits on the entry fee and their drugs and cigarettes, but Mrs B and I were able to purchase some organic fire lighters as well as a Chatsworth sausage in a bread bun. Not much change out of a twenty but we ploughed on.
The trade stands were mostly cheap clothing, not so cheap wellington boots, safari huts for the garden and useless cooking utensils - no sign of mud magnets, no sign of dovecotes and the only field umbrella I found was £175.00, so we came home empty handed (except for the organic fire lighters).
Being Chatsworth, some of the visitors had brought their dogs with them and in past years we had noticed and followed the trends of what dogs seemed popular - this year it was springer spaniels. The people with the springer spaniels were not wearing flip flops nor tee shirts - most were in tweed or moleskin.
Those in flip flops that had brought dogs had brought Staffies - what else?
It is so disheartening to think that this previous bastion of middle class England is being invaded by those that Noel Coward called 'the wrong people'.
Luckily, earlier in the week we went to the theatre, so we had managed to spend quality time with our own people - the pretentious middle classes.
We had been to see The Country Girl with Martin Shaw and Jenny Seagrove, now let me first of all say that I totally agree with my newest and dearest friend, Christine Hamilton, name dropping is so tasteless and when Martin came over to see us before the show I just spoke to him as I would speak to any of you - although I don't have many autographs from the rest of you.
He was a charming man, I'm sure he and Christine Hamilton would get on well together. Mrs Hamilton, or Christine as I call her, and I became close as I supported her throughout the trials and tribulations of Celebrity Master Chef. Even though she did not win, it was with really my support that kept her going.
You see, I know people, I can read them and so I could see that all this battle axe nonsense was just that - I suggested she cry a little and show the public her softer side. She is so grateful and she even sent me her recipe for her venison dish - and you don't get venison in Tesco!
Supporting others, this is my role in life, Christine, Martin, Jenny and do you remember Jessica Martin, the singer and impressionist - well I stumbled across her too and offered her some words of support - it can't be easy for people like Jessica, once a star now a backing singer, but I told her to keep at it - you never know, her old fashioned talent might come back into vogue one day.
Now, where did I put those crumpets?
Have a good time, success with your weekly endeavours my darling children, and remember it could be worse, you could own flip flops and a Staffie.
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