That's the ticket.

Last year at this time we were up to our necks in snow, this year, as I write this message of hope and inspiration, the top of the hill is shrouded by a passing sleet storm - but have no fear my loyal band of frozen peas, we shall assail the day with vigour and fortitude.

I needed some fortitude last evening in fact I could have done with some fiftytude as my patience was tested in the extreme during a much anticipated trip to see The John Wilson Orchestra at Nottingham Concert Hall.

Before I tell you of last nights events, let me take you back in time to Thursday night when together with Mrs B, the dog-daughter and her beau, we attended the Theatre Royal to see the touring production of Legally Blonde.

I have to admit that I had never seen the film that inspired this musical so I was in the dark as to what to expect and after the opening number (very poor) I was totally underwhelmed by the prospect of two hours of a badly written, badly sung, badly danced show. Luckily, it did not take long for the humour of the script to kick in and some very talented young actors and some seasoned veterans (like Dave Willetts and Claire Sweeney) won me over. I ended up loving the show although it is not a great musical. The test of a great musical is you can hum the songs afterwards, I can't even tell you the name of the songs let alone hum any! Not a great musical just a great night of fun at the theatre.

From a show of which I knew nothing we return to last night, and a show I had actually seen most of before as it was part of the BBC Prom season this year.

John Wilson with his 70 piece orchestra, and some excellent guest singers including the incredible  Kim Criswell, Matthew Ford, Annalene Beechey and a new name for me, the tenor Noah Stewart.

The show was brilliant, however the only problem with watching a live show is that you are surrounded by an audience and they don't like it when you sing along!

It was the audience that were the real issue last night - most of them were of a certain age and social class (grey hair and loyalty cards for Waitrose) and it seemed that 97.6% of them had left their brains in their Jaguars.

I ask you, how hard is it to find a seat in a theatre?

On your ticket is printed all the information you need - for example, my ticket states quiet clearly that my seat was N44 and I would find it by going to Tier 1 and entering via Door C. How very thoughtful of the theatre staff to think of this intelligent system, they even put up big signs throughout the building so you can identify and locate the appropriate tier and door.

Even without a degree in map reading and without the aide of a guide or team of sherpas, I managed to navigate my way through the milling crowds of ageing buffoons and find my seat. For the next twenty minutes we witnessed countless befuddled old duffers staggering around the theatre asking anyone they could grab on to variations of the same question - where do I sit?

Some of them looked like they didn't know what year they were in let alone which seat they needed!

Eventually most people found somewhere to sit and we enjoyed the first half of a great show - then the next battle commenced; queuing for an ice cream.

It was a long queue but we got there in the end, purchased our little tubs of joy and returned to our seats only to find numerous old folk had actually forgotten where they had been sitting and the whole process of looking for their seat started again! They'd only been out of the damn seat for ten minutes and they were lost again! I felt like standing up and shouting 'Will someone please send for Matron!"

Act Two came and went and then the next major exercise, escaping from the building.  I'll be honest here, I went ahead and left Mrs B to manage with Mrs B Senior, as she needed the lift. It took them almost twenty minutes to get out of the building and I joked that if there had been a real emergency there would have been many ancient corpses strewn across the mezzanine of the theatre.

It was a great show and I look forward to next year when I hope the orchestra tour again but in the meantime I have two pantomimes to look forward to next weekend and then in January we go to The Crucible in Sheffield to see Company with Daniel Evans, Samantha Spiro, Damien Humbley and Francesca Annis - that will be a real treat.

I just hope that the weather is quite cold and that the old folks stay at home and watch Songs of Praise, drink sweet sherry, pee themselves and then go to bed. Problem is half of them probably won't be able to find their beds!

The sleet is still passing over head and I have some soup that needs making and sitting here chatting with you is not getting those carrots pureed!

Take care, keep warm and if your over 70 please don't ever go to the theatre without getting my permission.


Official Website for Noah Stewart




John Wilson Orchestra - Put On Your Sunday Clothes

There are more questions than answers...

How are you? Keeping well? Getting ready for Christmas? Have you started your shopping? Are you doing anything nice this weekend? Are you watching I'm A Celebrity? Any idea why Gary Speed killed himself?

I don't mean to be glib about the death of Gary Speed, it is not a matter for humour and his family must be devastated.

Over the course of the last few years I have carried out the funerals for many who have chosen to take their own lives for a variety of reasons and some for reasons that are still unknown. For a family, having an answer to the 'why' question is very important but I do not believe that it is the business of anyone outside the family (other than in exceptional circumstances) and certainly not an area that the press and media should spend time on.

The internet is awash with speculation about Gary Speed and as someone once said, the rumour mongers are generating a lot of heat without a great deal of light!

Anyway, let's move on shall we?

My birthday week has come and gone, I enjoyed some time away and then time with family and friends and all has been well. The celebratory events culminated with my appearance on the BBC Radio  Nottingham Morning Show hosted by Mark Dennison and produced by the very efficient James Brindle.

Along with the very charming and supremely interesting Dr. Sue Pryce, we dissected the big news stories of the week including the forthcoming public sector strike and the number of obese women in the UK.

Of course we did touch on the Gary Speed story but we concentrated on depression as a cause of suicide.

Surprisingly both myself and Sue Pryce decided to unburden ourselves and reveal that we both had suffered from depression in the past and I think that in talking about it openly we were hoping that others would feel able to do the same.

I am not ashamed that I once fell into the black pit of depression, I know it was more than likely a chemical imbalance in my brain perhaps linked to some aspects of my work life at the time - but with great support from Mrs B, the medical profession (including a first rate psychologist) and some Prozac - I resurfaced into the world of light.

Men are not always very good at acknowledging what some might see as a weakness, but I have some very close friends who are also affected by depression and I know one of them is very open about how it affects his life; it is an illness not a weakness.

Dr Pryce is an expert on politics, I am not - but we did both agree that these strikes on Wednesday will change very little. The Government will not be budging and in a way I don't think they should.

The pensions issue should have been gripped years ago - and I know the unions are asking for fairness and equality in the settlements for their pensions but who decides on fairness and equality? Who judges which job deserves more or less?

When I worked in the public service I saw 11% of my wages taken each month to fund my pension, I'm not sure what the current figure is. If I was to invest 11% of my current earnings into a pension it would get me very little in return in fact it's nearer 20% that I have to set aside for pension contributions.

My pension contributions were well worth it and they offer me some real financial security but if someone had said to me that I might have to work a couple of years longer and the final return might be less I can understand that I might feel upset - but then if I was told I had at least eleven years to get ready for that change I might think that gave me time to reconfigure my plans a little.

Having read through the details of the proposals I see that those on low wages will be affected very little by the changes and that any benefits already accrued will be ring fenced and not affected - it looks quite fair. So what do the unions want?

I can't answer that question because they don't seem to have told us.

I understand how the withdrawal of labour is a tool which can be used to help draw the attention of issues to a wider audience but there is not overwhelming support for this strike - the biggest number I have seen is 61% of the public survey by the BBC thought the strike was a good thing but the breakdown of the figures shows that the main support comes from the under 25's who perhaps could be forgiven for not wanting to contemplate a longer working life...but we are all living longer and staying healthier for longer so why not work a bit longer?

I'm running out of steam now and can't be bothered to talk about obesity statistics other than to say what I said on the radio - let people be people!

Anyway, off with you all now, get about your business and remember to eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we have to pay extra pension contributions!

What Fifty Said.

You are all cordially invited to join me as I celebrate my 50th birthday this week - not in person of course as I don't want just anyone in the house! You can join me in spirit as I celebrate the fact that I have staggered (almost - let's not tempt fate) to this milestone birthday.

I'm not depressed about this event, nor am I going to have some mid-life crisis and buy a Harley Davidson, I'm happy to be fifty. I'm happy to be alive.

In the last couple of years Mrs B and I have tried to enjoy life more, she still works too hard in my opinion and for too little reward but she loves the job and it keeps her out of my way and allows me time to talk to all of you.

We have been to the theatre quite a bit and we have drunk champagne and we have had some nice holidays and we see this is as our reward for having had some bumps in the road - not least losing Danny and Jake...I'll miss them this week. Of all the presents I would love to have received, it would have been a pair of socks with some silly saying about 'Dad'.

Anyway, let's not dwell on that.

As a Guru, I am entitled to a birthday week and the events to celebrate my arrival on earth begin with a special radio broadcast on BBC Radio 4 at 3pm today. Brain of Britain - I get my arse kicked but it was something I wanted to do.

Tomorrow I have a chance to walk amongst the great unwashed in Tesco and look down my nose at people, that will be a great treat. I will then visit Waitrose or Marks and Spencers food hall and treat myself to an Eccles cake to have with my afternoon tea.

On Wednesday, Mrs B and I hope to be heading off to Wales, to a very swish little hotel where we will spend my actual birthday before, on Friday, heading back to the bosom of my family for a proper noisy family get-together.

Now all of this is dependant on a few matters which I can't discuss, but even if I don't get away with Mrs B I will still be quite happy to sit on my hill and rejoice in the fact that I have become so important in the lives of so many people...I may not be as popular as Jesus but I can at least pass on my wisdom without fear of being crucified (not counting the one I get on Brain of Britain).

So welcome to my birthday week - please don't don't send gifts, just to know that you are there is the greatest gift any Guru could wish for...oh and perhaps an iPad?

Let me close with these words of wisdom...

words of wisdom

There's no smoke without....

a smoker.

Hello and greetings to all the little imperfect human beings that read these words of wisdom.

Let me start off by saying that my drug of choice is a bottle of vino and perhaps too many fish fingers and so I understand the need that some people have to light up their cigarette. I did, in my youth, have the occasional fag (stop it) and I used to smoke great big King Edward cigars but I sort of grew out of it - I was never addicted.

Smoking is not illegal but it is not allowed in certain places and I know that this has caused some people great anguish as they believe that their human rights have been trampled on and that smokers are treated like lepers.

The reason this debate has come to my attention today is that on our local news yesterday morning we had a report about the council placing signs near school gates asking people not to smoke in that area - a not unreasonable request in my opinion.

Although the signs are not enforceable in law, it was hoped that smokers would make a free choice to smoke away from the gates and playground areas thereby lessening the impact of smoke on others, especially children.

Later that morning, as I perused Twitter, I noticed this tweet by one of our local radio presenters:

"From today, you could be fined if you're caught smoking in the open air around Nottingham's parks and school gates. But is this realistic?"

My response:

"about as realistic as fining people who pollute our streets by dropping litter, like fag ends!"

Later still as I drove to work I was listening to the self same radio presenter (a self confessed smoker) as he dealt with this subject, he had input from various members of the public who were for and against the idea and then he upset me by quoting my tweet - but he did not quote it all and thereby changed the context...I didn't like that!

I also didn't like that he also seemed to be expressing a view that smokers were being persecuted - so I rang in and they put me through on air...we had a conversation in which I expressed the thought that a smokers right to smoke was no greater a right than my right not to have smoke forced on me.

This whole idea that non smokers don't understand is a non starter for me...I don't deny your right to smoke but I demand an equal right to remain smoke free. If I can move away from a smoker I will, but if I have to be somewhere, like dropping a child at school, why should I have to tolerate your second hand smoke?

Later that day I sat in the home of a man who was telling me about his recently deceased mother - a life long smoker. He too was a smoker and he lit up a fag as he dealt with the emotions of his loss and as he was in his house I simply accepted that I would leave smelling of smoke.

There are some who like riding motor cycles - it's legal to ride a motor cycle on the road but not on the path, we accept that there are things we can do legally but places where we cannot do it - that's all the council are asking here, smoke all you like but why do you need to do it at the school gate?


If you want to hear the interview - find me on Twitter or Facebook and I'll send you a link.

Facebook


Addendum: 16th November

Sorry but I can't resist...the news is reporting moves to ban smoking in cars and of course the smokers are outraged. The argument they offer is, 'it's my personal private space and I should not be stopped doing whatever I wish'!

WRONG...it may be a personal space but it's a personal space on wheels that moves at high speed and can kill others if not controlled properly AND there are many things that you are already stopped from doing in your mobile, smoke filled coffin - like driving it whilst drunk or at excessive speed or in a dangerous and reckless manner or without due care and attention or without a seat belt or whilst using a mobile phone...so there!

My Week

Greetings my soggy followers - will this rain never end? (If it is not raining where you are at this moment then just pretend you're slightly damp please; which is easy if you wet the bed).

I want to share with you the story of my week, I do this not to gloat or glorify the wondrous nature of the life I share with Mrs B but simply to remind you all that although it may be raining today, it makes the next glimpse of sunshine even more heart warming...I am your glimpse of sunshine.

Last Thursday, Mrs B and I headed down to Chichester to see Michael Ball and Imelda Staunton in Sweeney Todd. It was the first time Mrs B and I had been to see a Sondheim musical together - we loved it. The whole thing was just brilliant, from the huge thrust stage, the set, the music the...whole thing.

On the return leg of the journey we stopped in Oxford, staying in a converted prison and again this was a lovely experience.

There was the return to work after a nice relaxing weekend, and even though I have been suffering very badly with man flu, I soldiered on - even submitting my tax return. Even though I was full of cold and frustrated by the self assessment system, I was still not downhearted.

On Tuesday night I went to the Royal Concert Hall to see the legendary Jack Jones in concert - a great show from a great talent - more than fifty years in the business and still a voice that makes a room go quiet when he sings...I mean total silence, not a cough or a sniffle as his voice wafted over us. Amazing.

The week was progressing so well and I knew that Mrs B was getting a little excited because yesterday (Thursday 3rd Nov 2011) was John Barrowman Day.

I have said it before and proudly repeat - JB is GOD.

Anyone who has not been to see his live shows has missed a treat - three hours of fun and music, and although it's camper than a row of tents covered with pink feather boas and fairy dust, it's magnificent.

As the great man said we should all of us try and forget the state of the world and just enjoy - in his words we should all try and fart sparkles.

It was a fantastic night in the theatre, added to which he replied to one of my tweets after the show - I was so excited that not only did I fart sparkles, a little bit of gold wee came out.

In one week, Mrs B and I have done more than we once did in a year and we know how lucky we are to able to enjoy life as we do - I mean everyday I go to work I am reminded how lucky I am.

Almost thirty years ago, Mrs B and I were newly wed, struggling to make ends meet and we would sit in our house, no heating, no carpets, second hand furniture, eating corned beef or Findus crispy pancakes (if they were on offer) - there was no endless supply of pink fizz, no multi channel TV but we were OK.

I recall that if we wanted a night out we might go and join the queue at the ABC Cinema in Saltergate, Lincoln with just about enough money for two tickets. We joined the queue and kept out fingers crossed that the manager (Mr Richard Black - god bless you sir) would invite us to enter via a side door and not pay for our seats. If we didn't pay for the seats we could share a Kia-Ora and a small bag of sweets.

Those far of days of deprivation are now well behind us and I have no guilt in enjoying what we have earned and I hope that Mrs B and I get the chance to enjoy many more weeks like this one.

My best to you all, as I close this message to you I note that the rain has stopped falling - here's hoping you get to glimpse some sunshine today.

Thank you for reading my little blog and I love you all...

PS  Mrs B says she loves Mr B, I'm not daft - it's either Michael or John

PPS - some extra sunshine just in case...

The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun