The View from the Hill on Saturday 13th February
I have not checked my Euro Millions ticket, so if I have won £55 million this will be my penultimate blog - the final one will just be a picture of two fingers, a parting gift for all my loyal readers.
The Winter Olympics have started and unfortunately a Luge competitor was killed in training thereby making any attempts at humour seem in bad taste, but perhaps next week we can investigate Winter Sports.
I forget to tell you about my trip to Marks and Spencer the other day - let me remedy that at once.
Mrs B and I had seen the advert for the romantic meal offer, a starter, main, side dish, pudding, bottle of fizz and a rose all for £20. I arrived at the store at about 9.15am to find the food hall full of rude pensioners - it seemed that they had all been locked in a room away from other people or food for many weeks because they were digging through the shelves like the Visigoths sacking Rome!
There were steaks and chocolate puddings going all over, the staff were trying to keep some order but were terribly outnumbered.
As I watched the scene unfold, it dawned on me that if these old crones and wrinkly men were actually buying this food to share on a romantic date, what form that date would take? Perhaps it was going to be some sort of geriatric orgy, where they all get 'nekkid' and throw their false teeth in a bucket and then swing 'til the supply of blue pills runs out!
Anyway, I managed to secure my own supplies simply by blending in with the ancient army, all you really have to do is hunch over, stick your elbows out, never look anyone in the eye and certainly never apologise if you run into someone with your trolly, because you are old and nothing is EVER you fault.
With the romantic dinner tucked away in the fridge I can now relax, Mrs B will be treated like a Queen tomorrow, I thought perhaps like Anne Boleyn but she is not keen on the idea.
Today we are test driving sandwiches - it's a long story which I can tell you about only at some point in the future but needless to say it involves old people.
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On this day in 1950, Peter Gabriel was born. One of the founder members of Genesis, a talented musician with unique and progressive ideas about rock music, he has sold many albums and has an astute social and political mind as well as a having a rare musical genius. His list of achievements is a real testament to his place in the artistic life of the world, let alone this county.
I like him because he sings that song about the little pig - That'll Do
And that's a fact!
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Saturday, 13 February 2010
Friday, 12 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Friday 12th February
First of all I note with sadness the passing of Walter Morrison, aged 90. Walter invented the frisbee and what hours of endless fun he gave the world through that simple disc. Of course his funeral will be held later next week, problems are not expected until the ash scattering, when of course the ashes will caught mid air by an acrobatic dog.
Thursday nights is when Mrs B goes to bed and leaves me to watch Question Time, last night I wished I had joined her because QT was from Ireland. It amazes me that they have managed to get as far as they have in power sharing because they obviously hate each other with a passion. But what shone out of the programme was the fact that although the political representatives are stuck in the past, the people are keen to move forward and as one man said, 'the price I pay for peace is talking to terrorists - but it is worth it because my kids can walk to school safely now'.
Is there a lesson in this for our dealings with the Taliban?
The only part of the programme where they all agreed was when asked about the MP's who are to be charged with False Accounting, trying to use parliamentary privilege as an escape from that prosecution. The whole country agrees that these man should have a fair trial before they are convicted and sent to rot in jail - no, I'm joking, they deserve their day in court and they have a vested interest avoiding that obviously, and I do not want to pre judge the guilty pleas that they deserve (oops) but this is part of the healing process, we have to see them suffer!
We have turned into a country of Lee J Cobbs - and if you don't get the reference, please go and watch 12 Angry Men immediately and shame on you for not already having done so!
Finally, I know there have been in recent weeks, some people who have stumbled across this blog and been disgusted with the content. All I can say is how sorry I am - how sorry that you have the limited mental capacity to not see this blog for what it is, a load of rubbish and not worthy of getting too excited about. * Grow up!
* Except when I mean every word and you sometimes have to work that out
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It's Darwin Day - thank God!
A day to celebrate all that Darwin stands for and to recognise the fact that on occasion, Darwin got it wrong. As Robert E Lee wrote in his play Inherit The Wind, by the resolute way that some cling to creationism as the only way man came to earth, we show that 'man still is an ape'.
"When he first achieved the upright position, he took a look at the stars - thought they were something to eat. When he couldn't reach them, he decided they were groceries belonging to a bigger creature; that's how Jehovah was born".
Here we are in 2010 and still religion causes more trouble than it is worth - look at Ireland, Iran, Afghanistan, the senile old Nazi in Rome etc etc.
Darwin Day should be celebrated in all schools by banning religion, just for one day - could it do any harm? I doubt it.
And that's a fact!
First of all I note with sadness the passing of Walter Morrison, aged 90. Walter invented the frisbee and what hours of endless fun he gave the world through that simple disc. Of course his funeral will be held later next week, problems are not expected until the ash scattering, when of course the ashes will caught mid air by an acrobatic dog.
Thursday nights is when Mrs B goes to bed and leaves me to watch Question Time, last night I wished I had joined her because QT was from Ireland. It amazes me that they have managed to get as far as they have in power sharing because they obviously hate each other with a passion. But what shone out of the programme was the fact that although the political representatives are stuck in the past, the people are keen to move forward and as one man said, 'the price I pay for peace is talking to terrorists - but it is worth it because my kids can walk to school safely now'.
Is there a lesson in this for our dealings with the Taliban?
The only part of the programme where they all agreed was when asked about the MP's who are to be charged with False Accounting, trying to use parliamentary privilege as an escape from that prosecution. The whole country agrees that these man should have a fair trial before they are convicted and sent to rot in jail - no, I'm joking, they deserve their day in court and they have a vested interest avoiding that obviously, and I do not want to pre judge the guilty pleas that they deserve (oops) but this is part of the healing process, we have to see them suffer!
We have turned into a country of Lee J Cobbs - and if you don't get the reference, please go and watch 12 Angry Men immediately and shame on you for not already having done so!
Finally, I know there have been in recent weeks, some people who have stumbled across this blog and been disgusted with the content. All I can say is how sorry I am - how sorry that you have the limited mental capacity to not see this blog for what it is, a load of rubbish and not worthy of getting too excited about. * Grow up!
* Except when I mean every word and you sometimes have to work that out
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It's Darwin Day - thank God!
A day to celebrate all that Darwin stands for and to recognise the fact that on occasion, Darwin got it wrong. As Robert E Lee wrote in his play Inherit The Wind, by the resolute way that some cling to creationism as the only way man came to earth, we show that 'man still is an ape'.
"When he first achieved the upright position, he took a look at the stars - thought they were something to eat. When he couldn't reach them, he decided they were groceries belonging to a bigger creature; that's how Jehovah was born".
Here we are in 2010 and still religion causes more trouble than it is worth - look at Ireland, Iran, Afghanistan, the senile old Nazi in Rome etc etc.
Darwin Day should be celebrated in all schools by banning religion, just for one day - could it do any harm? I doubt it.
And that's a fact!
Thursday, 11 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Thursday 11th February
It had to happen eventually - the day has finally arrived when I sit before this beautiful machine and have nothing to say.
Well, that's not strictly true but Mrs B has forbidden me from writing about the McCanns and so I am lost!
Perhaps it's a good thing that Mrs B put her foot down, she knows that I want to say inflammatory things and that it might upset some people, but that's the whole point isn't it?
To be able to say something that you cannot prove but believe with all you heart - it's like saying there IS a god. It's not illegal to say there is a god even though it cannot be proved but the Mc... but some people want it to be illegal to say or even think that any parent might be evil enough to kill a child or hide the fact that a child was killed, accidentally or not.
If we are not allowed to think the unthinkable and speak it aloud, how do we move forward?
At some point someone must have said out loud, "the world is round"!
Suppose I had some valuable things and I left them alone whilst I went and enjoyed myself, and then I found one of those valuable things had gone. Could it have been stolen by magpies? Could it have escaped and fallen down a hole? Or perhaps I had lost the valuable thing and was too scared to admit it? These are just some of the options and why is it wrong to ask all of these questions about what happened to the valuable thing?
Anyway, I can't write anything about it - so I won't.
So no blog today then, sorry. Just blame Mrs B (or thank her).
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On this day 20 years ago Nelson Mandela, convicted criminal, escaped from prison and began his reign of terror in South Africa.
The 70 year old will be remembered for the way he cold bloodily stabbed the President whilst singing 'you can't put a better bit of Botha on your knife'.
The evil empire of his government spread it's poison far and wide and the result was people started to be fooled by the kindly old man act he put on. He even fooled Morgan Freeman.
I'm glad to say he never fooled me and I won't rest until the truth is exposed about Nelson Mandela!
And that's a fact!
It had to happen eventually - the day has finally arrived when I sit before this beautiful machine and have nothing to say.
Well, that's not strictly true but Mrs B has forbidden me from writing about the McCanns and so I am lost!
Perhaps it's a good thing that Mrs B put her foot down, she knows that I want to say inflammatory things and that it might upset some people, but that's the whole point isn't it?
To be able to say something that you cannot prove but believe with all you heart - it's like saying there IS a god. It's not illegal to say there is a god even though it cannot be proved but the Mc... but some people want it to be illegal to say or even think that any parent might be evil enough to kill a child or hide the fact that a child was killed, accidentally or not.
If we are not allowed to think the unthinkable and speak it aloud, how do we move forward?
At some point someone must have said out loud, "the world is round"!
Suppose I had some valuable things and I left them alone whilst I went and enjoyed myself, and then I found one of those valuable things had gone. Could it have been stolen by magpies? Could it have escaped and fallen down a hole? Or perhaps I had lost the valuable thing and was too scared to admit it? These are just some of the options and why is it wrong to ask all of these questions about what happened to the valuable thing?
Anyway, I can't write anything about it - so I won't.
So no blog today then, sorry. Just blame Mrs B (or thank her).
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day 20 years ago Nelson Mandela, convicted criminal, escaped from prison and began his reign of terror in South Africa.
The 70 year old will be remembered for the way he cold bloodily stabbed the President whilst singing 'you can't put a better bit of Botha on your knife'.
The evil empire of his government spread it's poison far and wide and the result was people started to be fooled by the kindly old man act he put on. He even fooled Morgan Freeman.
I'm glad to say he never fooled me and I won't rest until the truth is exposed about Nelson Mandela!
And that's a fact!
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Wednesday 10th February
Another cold morning, and at 6.20am the gurgling belly of Master Jake drove me out of bed. He then ate a biscuit and made an amazing recovery and is now snoring in his bed whilst I wish I'd put a bigger log on the fire last thing last night.
Reflective blog today, after going to Eddie's funeral my head is full of things from 30 years ago. It was a very dreary funeral, a droning vicar rambling on about planting seeds and god deciding what form they take when they sprout for their heavenly spiritual life - what a load of rubbish.
The chapel was half full, quite a few ex colleagues turned up, average age about 70 I suppose.
Afterwards a few handshakes and catch-ups and then back home.
But to those memories of 30 years ago - fifteen or so of us sitting in Jesse James bunkhouse in Snowdonia, Dave Robinson playing the guitar, me on the penny whistle as we sang folk songs and Eddie asking if we could play The Black Bear - so we did.
Being taught how to march for our passing out parade and also gate vault a pommel horse for a gym display, in which even I managed to fly over the damn thing without falling or tripping.
And endless other activities, life saving lessons in the sea at Skegness in October included and all of the time the stoic presence of Edward White McQuat.
As we stood talking afterwards, we all agreed that we had none of us known him well but all of us were glad we had known him. He retained his dignity and privacy to the end, no real revelations in his eulogy save for the fact that he had been the European Police Decathlon champion twice and he had lost a brother at the age of nine, his only family it would seem.
He was proud, said his long time friend Mavis, that he had drawn his pension for thirty years, equalling his service in the Police - well done Eddie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1930, Robert Wagner was born. The Hollywood actor is one of the last of his generation, who saw the Hollywood system in full flow.
I read his autobiography last year and he had a wonderful time, shagging every major female star it would seem from Natalie Wood to Lassie.
His charm and good looks have taken him on a comfortable journey through life, he was not, and will readily admit, that he is not the best actor but then again, when did talent ever really count if you have a killer smile and a big dick?
If only I had known that earlier in life I would have looked after my teeth better.
And that's a fact!
Another cold morning, and at 6.20am the gurgling belly of Master Jake drove me out of bed. He then ate a biscuit and made an amazing recovery and is now snoring in his bed whilst I wish I'd put a bigger log on the fire last thing last night.
Reflective blog today, after going to Eddie's funeral my head is full of things from 30 years ago. It was a very dreary funeral, a droning vicar rambling on about planting seeds and god deciding what form they take when they sprout for their heavenly spiritual life - what a load of rubbish.
The chapel was half full, quite a few ex colleagues turned up, average age about 70 I suppose.
Afterwards a few handshakes and catch-ups and then back home.
But to those memories of 30 years ago - fifteen or so of us sitting in Jesse James bunkhouse in Snowdonia, Dave Robinson playing the guitar, me on the penny whistle as we sang folk songs and Eddie asking if we could play The Black Bear - so we did.
Being taught how to march for our passing out parade and also gate vault a pommel horse for a gym display, in which even I managed to fly over the damn thing without falling or tripping.
And endless other activities, life saving lessons in the sea at Skegness in October included and all of the time the stoic presence of Edward White McQuat.
As we stood talking afterwards, we all agreed that we had none of us known him well but all of us were glad we had known him. He retained his dignity and privacy to the end, no real revelations in his eulogy save for the fact that he had been the European Police Decathlon champion twice and he had lost a brother at the age of nine, his only family it would seem.
He was proud, said his long time friend Mavis, that he had drawn his pension for thirty years, equalling his service in the Police - well done Eddie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1930, Robert Wagner was born. The Hollywood actor is one of the last of his generation, who saw the Hollywood system in full flow.
I read his autobiography last year and he had a wonderful time, shagging every major female star it would seem from Natalie Wood to Lassie.
His charm and good looks have taken him on a comfortable journey through life, he was not, and will readily admit, that he is not the best actor but then again, when did talent ever really count if you have a killer smile and a big dick?
If only I had known that earlier in life I would have looked after my teeth better.
And that's a fact!
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Tuesday 9th February
I will be going to a funeral later, which of course is not unusual for me, but today I will sitting in the congregation at the funeral of a man I have not seen for well over twenty years.
I have mentioned in the past a man called Eddie McQuat, the former soldier turned Police Officer who was the first Sergeant I served under in 1978. Eddie died recently aged 78.
Eddie was a gruff Scotsman, who loved to give the impression that he was made of very stern stuff, and in fact he was stern and private in the extreme but he was also a man who made you see the importance of team work, self respect and dignity.
His role as father figure to thirty teenagers from disparate backgrounds was undertaken with great skill, never letting you very close he made you feel part of something special by occasionally letting the mask slip enough to see a warm and generous man.
He once lent us his stereo system for a party at which there should have been no alcohol - of course alcohol managed to appear as if by magic and the stereo system got damaged and we had to go back to him and apologise. His response was not what we expected and it soon became apparent that letting Eddie down and seeing that in his face was a much greater punishment than being shouted at! We bought him a new stereo system and tried never to let him down again.
Sitting with him in an evening as he had a cigarette and a cup of coffee, he would sometimes talk about his life but again, never opening up too much, he was an intensely private man. There was a story always circulating that during a promotion interview he was asked why he had never married - his response was simply to stand up and walk out of the room. He never applied for promotion again.
I can't say I knew Eddie McQuat well and I only saw him infrequently in the years that followed but he left a real impression on me and I know enough about him to be able to say he was a man whose influence altered my perception of the world in a positive manner and for that I owe him half an hour today.
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On this day in 1909, Carmen Miranda was born. She was known as the Brazilian Bombshell but she was actually Portuguese. Most famously remembered for wearing fruit on her head she was also famous for never wearing underwear.
Her family moved to Brazil when she was young and she left school early and gained casual work on the plantations carrying bananas which is where the ideas for her hats came from.
As for not wearing underwear, well the idea for that came from the farm hands she worked with, they found it saved time!
Being sexually uninhibited was part of her life and led her to write he most famous song "I Like It Very Much'.
She died at the age of 46, shagged out!
And that's a fact!
I will be going to a funeral later, which of course is not unusual for me, but today I will sitting in the congregation at the funeral of a man I have not seen for well over twenty years.
I have mentioned in the past a man called Eddie McQuat, the former soldier turned Police Officer who was the first Sergeant I served under in 1978. Eddie died recently aged 78.
Eddie was a gruff Scotsman, who loved to give the impression that he was made of very stern stuff, and in fact he was stern and private in the extreme but he was also a man who made you see the importance of team work, self respect and dignity.
His role as father figure to thirty teenagers from disparate backgrounds was undertaken with great skill, never letting you very close he made you feel part of something special by occasionally letting the mask slip enough to see a warm and generous man.
He once lent us his stereo system for a party at which there should have been no alcohol - of course alcohol managed to appear as if by magic and the stereo system got damaged and we had to go back to him and apologise. His response was not what we expected and it soon became apparent that letting Eddie down and seeing that in his face was a much greater punishment than being shouted at! We bought him a new stereo system and tried never to let him down again.
Sitting with him in an evening as he had a cigarette and a cup of coffee, he would sometimes talk about his life but again, never opening up too much, he was an intensely private man. There was a story always circulating that during a promotion interview he was asked why he had never married - his response was simply to stand up and walk out of the room. He never applied for promotion again.
I can't say I knew Eddie McQuat well and I only saw him infrequently in the years that followed but he left a real impression on me and I know enough about him to be able to say he was a man whose influence altered my perception of the world in a positive manner and for that I owe him half an hour today.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1909, Carmen Miranda was born. She was known as the Brazilian Bombshell but she was actually Portuguese. Most famously remembered for wearing fruit on her head she was also famous for never wearing underwear.
Her family moved to Brazil when she was young and she left school early and gained casual work on the plantations carrying bananas which is where the ideas for her hats came from.
As for not wearing underwear, well the idea for that came from the farm hands she worked with, they found it saved time!
Being sexually uninhibited was part of her life and led her to write he most famous song "I Like It Very Much'.
She died at the age of 46, shagged out!
And that's a fact!
Monday, 8 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Monday 8th February
I have to apologise as I am having trouble seeing the keyboard this morning, you see my scrambled eggs were a little too dry and I just can't stop crying. Then I thought about the fact that there would never be another episode of Dad's Army and that set me off crying again. My eyes are sore and puffy and red and it really does seem that I have caught this nasty case of the crying disease that is going around!
The fact that Mr and Mrs Polyphemus were moved to tears recalling the loss of a child and the illness of their son - well it has guaranteed the viewing figures for Piers Morgan's show next week but what else does it prove?
That a man can show some genuine human emotion? Thank goodness.
Alastair Campbell getting all choked up because someone dared to pick on his friend Tony - please!
Hitler cried when they put his dog down, did that make him a better man? NO. And we shouldn't allow this crack in the Brown armour to make us think him more human and more worthy of our support and sympathy. Yes, what he and his wife went through was awful and as any family who have struggled with the loss of a child will tell you, it never goes away.
This is a cynical ploy, and I'm not saying he cried on purpose but he was trying to soften his public image ready for the election. Of course the Cameron's lost a child too, but does that make him a better or worse candidate for PM?
It should have no relevance.
I just noticed my cup is empty (sob) that poor cup, all it ever (sob) wanted was to hold some (sob) tea and now (sob) it sits there all alone and cold (sob, sniffle).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1968, Gary Coleman was born. 'Wha choo talkin' about Willis?
Coleman played Arnold in Different Strokes from the age of 10 until 18 and in that time he made millions of dollars which is parents then stole from him.
As a little boy he was cute, as he grew up he grew less cute and looked more like an ugly short guy, not good for a film career.
He tried politics but that didn't pay off so the last I heard was that he was working as a handy man, fixing the toilets for people living on Avenue Q.
Gary Coleman is living proof that growing older is not always a good thing because it can all go downhill pretty fast.
And that's a fact!
I have to apologise as I am having trouble seeing the keyboard this morning, you see my scrambled eggs were a little too dry and I just can't stop crying. Then I thought about the fact that there would never be another episode of Dad's Army and that set me off crying again. My eyes are sore and puffy and red and it really does seem that I have caught this nasty case of the crying disease that is going around!
The fact that Mr and Mrs Polyphemus were moved to tears recalling the loss of a child and the illness of their son - well it has guaranteed the viewing figures for Piers Morgan's show next week but what else does it prove?
That a man can show some genuine human emotion? Thank goodness.
Alastair Campbell getting all choked up because someone dared to pick on his friend Tony - please!
Hitler cried when they put his dog down, did that make him a better man? NO. And we shouldn't allow this crack in the Brown armour to make us think him more human and more worthy of our support and sympathy. Yes, what he and his wife went through was awful and as any family who have struggled with the loss of a child will tell you, it never goes away.
This is a cynical ploy, and I'm not saying he cried on purpose but he was trying to soften his public image ready for the election. Of course the Cameron's lost a child too, but does that make him a better or worse candidate for PM?
It should have no relevance.
I just noticed my cup is empty (sob) that poor cup, all it ever (sob) wanted was to hold some (sob) tea and now (sob) it sits there all alone and cold (sob, sniffle).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1968, Gary Coleman was born. 'Wha choo talkin' about Willis?
Coleman played Arnold in Different Strokes from the age of 10 until 18 and in that time he made millions of dollars which is parents then stole from him.
As a little boy he was cute, as he grew up he grew less cute and looked more like an ugly short guy, not good for a film career.
He tried politics but that didn't pay off so the last I heard was that he was working as a handy man, fixing the toilets for people living on Avenue Q.
Gary Coleman is living proof that growing older is not always a good thing because it can all go downhill pretty fast.
And that's a fact!
Sunday, 7 February 2010
The View from the Hill on Sunday 7th February
A very quiet morning, after a very restless night.
Didn't feel too well last night, not sure what set me off but I had that awful feeling that I was going to be sick and as Mrs B will tell you, when I am sick I turn into a blubbering wreck of a man, a giant baby quivering and crying and incomprehensible. Anyway, we didn't get to that stage, luckily.
Mrs B and I had been out for lunch to Risley Hall (it's not as posh as it sounds) and we had met up with family and we were meeting for the first time the lady I call Florian.
Florrie and John had come up from Essex to dine with us, we had spoken on the phone and via e mail and Florrie is a reader of the blog on occasion, so it was nice to put a face to the voice and name.
I had called her Florian because I had envisaged a sort of Dorian character from Birds of a Feather, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Dorian was a painted trollop, always looking for a way to get men into bed - Florrie was a lady, with the grace and bearing of royalty. (Pearly).
We chatted about many things, and I was left with a very clear picture of Florrie's life 'darn sarf'. Living in her chateau with her local corner shop being a Waitrose, Florrie spends each day shooting badgers from her bedroom window. She then hoovers her cats, before using the cat hair to mend socks.
She writes horoscopes and will not allow workmen to wear dirty overalls and shoes in the house, therefore the place is full of naked men with their tools in their hand.
She is a kindly soul, a cross between Miss Marple and Margaret Thatcher but she actually looks very like Mrs George Dixon from the Blue Lamp. I sat and thought about this for a long time, and yes, it's true, Florrie could be a slightly younger version of Gladys Henson.
Now, Florrie may not take this as a compliment, but let me assure you all, Gladys Henson was a very well regarded actress - the scene in the Blue Lamp where she learns of her husbands death is brilliantly handled.
Of course, they later resurrected George Dixon and moved him to Dock Green where he walked the beat as an ordinary copper for 174 years.
So, we had a long lunch, a good chat and a laugh and then Florrie and John headed back home to shoot more badgers.
Hopefully she will read this blog and think, what an insightful man Drew is! He read me like a book. All I can say is it's a skill that some have, a gift I suppose, to see the truth in others.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On this day in 1908, Larry 'Buster' Crabbe was born. The actor and former Olympic swimming champion will always be remembered as Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers and of course Tarzan.
I recall watching Flash Gordon fight the evil Ming in those wonderful black and white serials and the cliff hangers were always brilliant....the space ship slams into a mountain and Flash was tied up inside, but no! The very next episode he had managed to eat through the ropes and fight the guards and leap to safety all in 17 seconds and just before the big bang. Kids love that sort of crap.
What people might not know about Buster Crabbe is that he had a clause in his contract when he played Tarzan, that he wouldn't work with real chimpanzees - it's true. He insisted on having little boys dressed in chimpanzee costumes to follow him around the jungle. It all stemmed from a conversation with Johnny Weissmuller, who told him that chimpanzees were fond of masturbating and Crabbe didn't like the idea of having to compete with a wanking chimp, hence the clause was added to his contract.
I know what you are all thinking, what a load of rubbish, but I assure you that it is all for real and I am happy to say to you....
And that's a fact!
A very quiet morning, after a very restless night.
Didn't feel too well last night, not sure what set me off but I had that awful feeling that I was going to be sick and as Mrs B will tell you, when I am sick I turn into a blubbering wreck of a man, a giant baby quivering and crying and incomprehensible. Anyway, we didn't get to that stage, luckily.
Mrs B and I had been out for lunch to Risley Hall (it's not as posh as it sounds) and we had met up with family and we were meeting for the first time the lady I call Florian.
Florrie and John had come up from Essex to dine with us, we had spoken on the phone and via e mail and Florrie is a reader of the blog on occasion, so it was nice to put a face to the voice and name.
I had called her Florian because I had envisaged a sort of Dorian character from Birds of a Feather, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Dorian was a painted trollop, always looking for a way to get men into bed - Florrie was a lady, with the grace and bearing of royalty. (Pearly).
We chatted about many things, and I was left with a very clear picture of Florrie's life 'darn sarf'. Living in her chateau with her local corner shop being a Waitrose, Florrie spends each day shooting badgers from her bedroom window. She then hoovers her cats, before using the cat hair to mend socks.
She writes horoscopes and will not allow workmen to wear dirty overalls and shoes in the house, therefore the place is full of naked men with their tools in their hand.
She is a kindly soul, a cross between Miss Marple and Margaret Thatcher but she actually looks very like Mrs George Dixon from the Blue Lamp. I sat and thought about this for a long time, and yes, it's true, Florrie could be a slightly younger version of Gladys Henson.
Now, Florrie may not take this as a compliment, but let me assure you all, Gladys Henson was a very well regarded actress - the scene in the Blue Lamp where she learns of her husbands death is brilliantly handled.
Of course, they later resurrected George Dixon and moved him to Dock Green where he walked the beat as an ordinary copper for 174 years.
So, we had a long lunch, a good chat and a laugh and then Florrie and John headed back home to shoot more badgers.
Hopefully she will read this blog and think, what an insightful man Drew is! He read me like a book. All I can say is it's a skill that some have, a gift I suppose, to see the truth in others.
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On this day in 1908, Larry 'Buster' Crabbe was born. The actor and former Olympic swimming champion will always be remembered as Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers and of course Tarzan.
I recall watching Flash Gordon fight the evil Ming in those wonderful black and white serials and the cliff hangers were always brilliant....the space ship slams into a mountain and Flash was tied up inside, but no! The very next episode he had managed to eat through the ropes and fight the guards and leap to safety all in 17 seconds and just before the big bang. Kids love that sort of crap.
What people might not know about Buster Crabbe is that he had a clause in his contract when he played Tarzan, that he wouldn't work with real chimpanzees - it's true. He insisted on having little boys dressed in chimpanzee costumes to follow him around the jungle. It all stemmed from a conversation with Johnny Weissmuller, who told him that chimpanzees were fond of masturbating and Crabbe didn't like the idea of having to compete with a wanking chimp, hence the clause was added to his contract.
I know what you are all thinking, what a load of rubbish, but I assure you that it is all for real and I am happy to say to you....
And that's a fact!
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