Company Way
I officiated at a ceremony the other day and at the end, as people were making their way out of the chapel, I was approached by a man and a woman who first of all thanked me for the service and then asked if I had a business card they could have.
It transpired that the gentleman’s mum had died the day before and having seen the type of ceremony I delivered, he wanted me to help with the arrangements for his mum.
That’s very flattering of course and after all these years working as a celebrant I still need that occasional boost to my confidence, to know that what you do, and how you do it, is valued by people.
Of course I promised that I would help the bereaved man if at all possible but I apologised that I couldn’t give him my business card as I don’t carry them at work.
It’s always feels a little tacky to me, as if you are touting for trade. I know other celebrants take a different view and I’m not saying I’m right or that they are wrong to have logos all over their cars for example, it is their choice of course. They are probably more comfortable with the business side of the work than I am.
That’s always been a dichotomy for me in my work, a tension between it being work, a business that pays the bills, and then the side which is such a very personal and human interaction. A contract built on trust.
I’m glad I’m paid via the funeral directors because I know for a fact that if families paid me directly and maybe someone forgot, then I’d never be able to chase them for money. It takes me all my time to remind FD’s when they forget!
I do have business cards, I leave them with families after that initial visit so they can keep in touch before the ceremony, in case they think of other things I need to know for example.
I do have a website but I never update it and I’m actually thinking of taking it down this year.
Someone once said that getting paid to do something you enjoy doesn’t seem like work, however the tax man disagrees so there is that side of the business that has to be attended to.
I think I may well have revealed in an earlier blog that I’m struggling emotionally and physically with work at the moment. I’ve lost confidence in my ability to be of use. I almost gave up work altogether, but when you’re approached and complimented and people want you to help them it is a real boost to your ego and self esteem. But there comes a point where you still have doubts.
The danger is that if you get negative feedback it can be devastating and all the good you might have done is forgotten.
Business cards, corporate branding and advertising cannot repair that.
I think that after dealing with so many vulnerable people over so many years, my own professional veneer is wearing away. And maybe the biggest fear now is expecting that time when I get it wrong and how devastating that will be for a bereaved family.
In truth, this realisation has opened up some old wounds from many years ago, times when I believe I let people down and the outcome was tragic.
Why is it that my memory is so bad at recalling the good times and yet so good at recalling the bad?
Everyday a new battle, but onward we go…another family awaits my services today.
Business as usual.
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