My birthday message to my loyal followers:
On this auspicious day, I send greetings, love and respect to you all.
My wife and I will be going on a state visit to the hairdressers later, but I wanted to take this opportunity during a hiatus in my hectic schedule to pass on my thanks for all the birthday wishes.
Another year older and a concomitant increase in the wisdom that flows through my manly physique.
I started the day with a lightly poached egg, (free range of course and from a very happy chicken) on brown bread studded with sunflower seeds. I then took my birthday bath. Have you noticed how much wetter you get in the bath than when you shower?
The shower here at the ashram is out of service at the moment, Mrs B noticed that it had sprung a little leak and was spraying water all over her...let's not debate the logic of why you can't take a shower because it's spraying water on you. A part has been ordered and hopefully it will arrive soon and then I will deploy my tool kit, spend several hours swearing at the damn thing before calling a plumber.
As I was reclining in the bath, Mrs B hand delivered some birthday messages that arrived in the post. She reported that one of them was from the corgi people and I immediately thought, at last, a telegram from The Queen and Prince Phil! Sadly, it was just a reminder about getting the boiler serviced.
Anyway, I emerged from the bath looking like a freshly cooked lobster and now Mrs B is finding lots of little jobs for me to do. I will do my utmost to avoid undertaking any of them...well it is my birthday.
I share my birthday with Billy Connelly, Toulouse-Lautrec, Scott Joplin, Russell Watson, Grace Darling, Ian Botham and Ted Bundy. I like to think I have traits from all of these people who share my day...the humour of Connelly, the artistic nature of Lautrec, the musical genius of Joplin, the voice of Watson, the bravery and heroic nature of Darling, the athletic prowess of Botham and the smile of serial killer Ted Bundy. It makes me the perfect specimen I am.
As I get older I do get more miserable and yet more mischievous. This morning I have also spent time teasing an internet troll or cyber bully on a BBC web forum. He's started calling me names so I think I've hit the target. If he pushes too far I'll unleash my full Bundy on his ass!
OK, Mrs B needs another cup of tea so I best be off but once again thank you all for your birthday wishes and I'm sure the presents are in the post along with the bit from the shower.
Blessings
