A Car Ride

January 13th

A Car Ride

Back to work and on the road again. It’s Monday morning and I am heading towards Doncaster…ah the glamorous life.

It may well be that I venture onto a motorway and if I do I’m sure it won’t be long before I am wishing I had machine guns fitted to the front of my Skoda.

I’d glide up behind the dozy idiot doing 55 MPH in the third lane, there’s always one,  and I’d give them a quick shot up their exhaust pipe.

What do they think the other two lanes are for? Walking? Maybe horses and bicycles?

I don’t get road rage and you already know I’m professionally nice so I never gesture at people using just two fingers. I might offer a Paddington hard stare as I overtake them, but that’s about it.

And have you ever noticed when you do overtake the dreaded 3rd lane sitters, they all look like they have fallen into a coma? Hands planted very precisely at 10 & 2 on the steering wheel (imagine it’s a clock face) and staring straight ahead with a blank expression on their faces, they are totally unaware of what is going on around them…they are fixated on maintaining their course and speed whilst listening to their local BBC Radio station.


These are the same people who have trouble with roundabouts. And god forbid they come across a mini roundabout, they’d likely have a stroke!

There is one thing for sure, the vast majority of drivers think they are safe and would hate it if their driving skills were criticised or questioned. My guess is though, that every driver breaks the law at least once a week, if not more.

Mrs B will tell you, I’m not the best driver in the world, and I have two speeding convictions to prove it. Two speeding tickets in 30 plus years of driving isn’t bad is it?

Why is it that some law abiding citizens have a blind spot when it comes to speeding? People love to complain about the injustice of  speed cameras and those sneaky vans which catch you out when you’re doing 35 in a 30 limit.

But you only get caught if you’re breaking the law don’t you?

One day soon this will all be a thing of the past; with driverless cars we will all just climb in and sit back as we are taken to our final destination, safely and within the speed limit.

And someday in the future, cars will fly or maybe we will get our long promised personal jet packs?

 Finally we will arrive at the perfect Star Trek solution - the transporter.

Beam me to Doncaster Scotty!

Sorry Sir, it’ll be a wee while, there’s someone asleep on the third transporter pad.

Bugger!