It's been a very negative week, so today I want to try and be positive and allow you all to bask in the uplifting spirit of my wisdom.
First a quick update on my progress through the bible - it has been slow going, not least because I am also reading Fatal Revenant by Stephen R Donaldson (the second book in the final chronicles of Thomas Covenant).
It's about a group of travellers searching a dangerous land, fighting a terrible scourge and looking for the weapon of truth that will help them beat evil. In the bible I'm just dealing with Moses dragging his cronies into the wilderness after his god has been playing silly buggers with Pharaoh.
The god of Moses was cruel and was doing his best to become the supreme power but I did notice that the power of other gods was acknowledged so perhaps this was just a bit of supernatural schoolyard bullying with Moses leading the cheers 'cos my god's fiercer than your god'.
If any of you have not read the bible I suggest you don't bother - let me explain it all for you as I go along and if you want to read a fantasy novel, try Lord Foul's Bane by Donaldson - the opening title in a ten book cycle that was first published in 1977 and hopefully draws to a conclusion in 2013.
Have you noticed the negative vibes in the air this week?
Don't give the bonus the to the bank chairman...
Don't let Sir Fred Goodwin keep his knighthood...
Don't legitimise same sex partnerships by calling them marriage...
Don't cap the benefits to £26,000...
I'm sure you could add your own examples to the list but I want to share a positive moment with you.
On Tuesday I conducted the funeral for a lady who had died aged in her late eighties. In her time she had been a member of the Towns Women Guild and some of her former compatriots were attending this celebration of her life - sorry, were attending this non religious, Humanist led, celebration of her life.
After the ceremony ended one of the ladies, (blue rinse, pearls and sensible shoes) marched over to me and grabbed me firmly by the hand. She then bellowed at the top of her voice, "the spirit of the lord was strong with you today, I felt his presence in the room - thank you".
Now although it is lovely to get a compliment, being thanked for summoning the presence of a god who I am not on speaking terms with did not really fill me with joy. But because this epistle is about being positive, I wish to report that I am happy that I have this power to call up spirits and spectres. I might even try calling up ghosts and demons but I think I'll keep away from ghoulies!
I am, however, thinking about buying a long flowing cape of some description and touring the nation speaking unto small groups of middle class ladies and seeing if I can make them feel a little presence when they least expect it.
What I neglected to ask the percipient pensioner was, did the spirit of the lord resemble the cruel and spiteful one that set fire to bushes or burned commandments onto tablets of stone for Moses? Perhaps it was another god, a more benign and caring god whose acolytes spread such a wonderfully confused web of love and hate over the world. Or was the spirit of Thor or Isis or Jupiter?
Next time I will be more prepared and ask the witnesses for a better description.
I think that's all for today, I have to make tea and toast for Mrs B who is endeavouring to remain positive herself after she started her studies at Derby University.
She was told that she should not bother applying for the course she is now on because she wouldn't get it. Her positive attitude reflects the advice of Robert Burns (no I didn't eat any haggis this week) when he said, "Dare to be honest and fear no labour".
Now where did I put that Marmite?
