When Jehovah's Witnesses Attack!

A soggy Saturday here on the hill, the view a little obscured by the rain as it lashes down on a typically British summer day. How goes it with you?

It's been a few days since I last popped my head out of my shell, this is mainly due to work issues and to the fact that any spare time has been used wisely in watching or playing golf.

Some of you may already be aware of the fact that the other day I was conducting a funeral when the coffin was dropped - it was a disaster and very upsetting for the family and in all my time of doing this job this was the first and hopefully the last time this has happened.

It's human nature you see, put a step in the front of a chapel and someone is bound to trip up it - just a shame it had to be a pall bearer!

This was on Tuesday morning and I was still feeling a little stiff myself after playing golf on Monday afternoon, shooting an 86 and just pipping my playing partner securing for myself yet another victory over him - I think I must now truly be his nemesis on the golf course.

So, the week had started off well and then we had the unfortunate coffin calamity on Tuesday, on Wednesday as I was sat at home minding my own business, the doorbell rang. It was Janet and Sandra.

For those of you who might have forgotten, Janet and Sandra are the tame Jehovahs Witnesses that come every now and then to my door bringing news of god and his plan for the world - I have grown rather fond of them and we stand for ages talking about whatever topic is on the front of the Watchtower magazine that they thrust in my hand. There is a second magazine called Awake! - that's a little more trendy I think and the cross word is easier.

Janet and Sandra have always done their best to deliver unto me the word, they have always done so with respect and they are fully aware of my thoughts on religion but who knows, perhaps I am their punishment for being not very good at getting converts?

Over the years we have discussed creation, death and all stops in between...but this time something was different.

Sandra was talking about one of the articles entitled 'Life Without Suffering - When?' and it started a discussion about how some people are meant to suffer because of the poor choices they make and that it all started to go wrong fairly quickly for god when he gave Adam and Eve freedom to choose. He had given them a perfect place to live and only asked them one thing and they couldn't do it so they were chucked out on their ears, fig leaves and all, because of a choice they made.

I suggested that if god had not wanted us to make mistakes he would not have given us freedom of choice, it's like putting biscuits in front of a child and telling them they will never EVER be allowed to eat one. It's cruel...is god cruel I asked?

'Oh no, God expects us to obey' - came the reply. The Bible tells us and shows us how to live and if we obey the word we will have a life without suffering. Janet delivered these words with such passion and belief and I could see the power of Jehovah was strong in her this day!

Then Sandra picked up the message, and she shocked me when she said 'it's like those homosexuals who want to sleep with all those men, the Bible says its an abomination in the sight of God but they do it and that is why they suffer'.

My response was a little tame I think but I managed to say, 'I understand eating shellfish is also an abomination according to the Bible, so you really wouldn't be very considerate towards a gay shrimp would you'!

I thought humour might defuse the situation, but no, the power of the message was throbbing within her and she had to vent it all over the door mat!

We carried on talking, the ladies did not believe that being homosexual was anything other than a choice and we eventually arrived at the point in our conversation where Sandra said - 'it's not the person, it's the act that is evil but God punishes the person for the evil act'.

My next question was something like so, if you choose to be gay and then choose not to act on that choice by not engaging in sex that means you are not evil nor a sinner?

There was some brief contemplation before Sandra said, they will still be sinners because if they have those thoughts they might try and fight them but then again with that powerful an urge they might backslide...(very poor choice of words I thought).

Now I knew I had them! How can it be an urge and a choice?

I pointed out this discrepancy in their thinking and once again religion came to their rescue...god tests us, he will place a thought, a strong suggestion, an urge in our brain and give us freedom of thought to resist it.

My final effort was to say, if god was so upset about homosexuality why didn't he have an 11th commandment, 'thou shalt not be gay'?  Or perhaps he thought it was covered in 'thou shalt not covert thy neighbours ass'.

I retained my temper with them, they think they are spreading the word as truth and they think they have no choice...that's why I dislike religion.

The ladies left the doorstep smiling, their work done. I closed the door and went back to watching Supernatural on the Sky+.

Well, I think it's time for a cup of tea and some muesli - I enjoy muesli even though in the Bible it says that mixing nuts, oats and fruit with milk is an abomination in the sight of the Lord - it may well be, but it's a very tasty abomination.



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