Forgive me my cherubs, it has been almost 8 weeks since my last confession. In that time I have been very naughty but I'm sure you will forgive me because that's what we do in a relationship as special as ours.
You cannot become who you are without first accepting who you were.
Towards the end of my Police service I was very unwell and I have no doubt that leaving was exactly the right thing to do. There were many issues which I do not want to revisit today but sufficed to say I did not feel that I fitted in with that organisation at that time. I'm sure many people in the organisation would have agreed that I didn't fit in!
17 years later I feel that I am exactly where I should be and I have a life that is fulfilling and I share my journey with people who respect me and accept me for who I am...a miserable old bugger who still manages to make people believe he's loveable. I'm a bit like the old dog who grumbles when you stroke him but can't quite bring himself to bite.
I have come to terms with the past and I no longer fear to examine those memories of tough days as they no longer have any power over me.
Sadly, some of my former workmates are stuck firmly in the past, either revisiting perceived past glories (times were never better) or avoiding dark memories surrounding perceived failures.
I have mentioned in earlier blogs how having George Dixon as a role model didn't really cut it in the misogynistic and sometimes intolerant world of 1980's British policing.
Looking back at some of the things that were done and covered up in those days still makes me cringe and of course high profile examples are still in the news today - take Hillsborough for example.
I should point out that I worked with many many decent people who gave 100% to the job but sadly there was a minority of officers who made life very difficult for both myself and Mrs B.
Anyway, in the 17 years since we parted company I would like to think that British policing has changed and it certainly does give the impression of being more tolerant and forward thinking.
One thing that has happened in the last 17 years is that I now couldn't care less if people don't like me or cannot accept me for being who I am.
I used to obsess that 'not fitting in' marked me out as a bad person. (Actually I now strongly believe it marked me out as a better person but I'm too modest to say that.)
So, on this Sunday morning, full of tea and bacon sandwiches, you find a very content man.
I know that to get here, I had to be there.
I know that being there helped create the circumstances that make here such a great place to be.
In reality there are very few differences between who I was and who I am except maybe less hair. And the hair I do have left is grey. I have a few wrinkles and a few extra pounds too...but I'm still here!
Oh and by the way - if you still don't like me for being who I am, you can BUGGER OFF!
Rising early on this Sunday morning has put me ahead of schedule today so I find I have a small window of opportunity to irritate you all or brighten your dreary lives. It's all about perspective.
As I was taking Mrs B her third cup of tea and her bacon sandwich it occurred to me that I am fast approaching the 17th anniversary of my retirement from the Police. It made me think about the journey I have been on these last 17 years and I posed myself this question...am I continent?
Hang on, I think that should say content not continent but in any case I am (on both accounts).
I have made up a saying, a little quotation for you all to keep as your new signpost in life and that saying is:
Towards the end of my Police service I was very unwell and I have no doubt that leaving was exactly the right thing to do. There were many issues which I do not want to revisit today but sufficed to say I did not feel that I fitted in with that organisation at that time. I'm sure many people in the organisation would have agreed that I didn't fit in!
17 years later I feel that I am exactly where I should be and I have a life that is fulfilling and I share my journey with people who respect me and accept me for who I am...a miserable old bugger who still manages to make people believe he's loveable. I'm a bit like the old dog who grumbles when you stroke him but can't quite bring himself to bite.
I have come to terms with the past and I no longer fear to examine those memories of tough days as they no longer have any power over me.
Sadly, some of my former workmates are stuck firmly in the past, either revisiting perceived past glories (times were never better) or avoiding dark memories surrounding perceived failures.
I have mentioned in earlier blogs how having George Dixon as a role model didn't really cut it in the misogynistic and sometimes intolerant world of 1980's British policing.
Looking back at some of the things that were done and covered up in those days still makes me cringe and of course high profile examples are still in the news today - take Hillsborough for example.
I should point out that I worked with many many decent people who gave 100% to the job but sadly there was a minority of officers who made life very difficult for both myself and Mrs B.
Anyway, in the 17 years since we parted company I would like to think that British policing has changed and it certainly does give the impression of being more tolerant and forward thinking.
One thing that has happened in the last 17 years is that I now couldn't care less if people don't like me or cannot accept me for being who I am.
I used to obsess that 'not fitting in' marked me out as a bad person. (Actually I now strongly believe it marked me out as a better person but I'm too modest to say that.)
So, on this Sunday morning, full of tea and bacon sandwiches, you find a very content man.
I know that to get here, I had to be there.
I know that being there helped create the circumstances that make here such a great place to be.
In reality there are very few differences between who I was and who I am except maybe less hair. And the hair I do have left is grey. I have a few wrinkles and a few extra pounds too...but I'm still here!
Oh and by the way - if you still don't like me for being who I am, you can BUGGER OFF!
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