That Friday Feeling

Greetings my little band of loyal, yet slightly daft followers. Welcome to Friday evening.

My plan is to get myself on the outside of a nice portion of fish and chips, a glass or two of red wine and then relax in front of a roaring fire.

It's been a long day at the office and for once I have decided to share a few thoughts about my very serious work so please don't read this if you're expecting silly jokes and buggering about, this blog entry is about life and death.

One of the funerals I officiated at today was for a very popular man, his name is Malc, and there must have been 500 people in attendance. His son, his brother, his best friend and his wife all stood up and spoke about their loss and as I witnessed their very personal and emotional tributes I was reminded that love is a fantastic resource from which we can draw great strength.

Malc was a great believer in positivity - he believed that taking control of that part of life over which we have some dominion, is extremely important. His efforts paid off and this was certainly one of those occasions when we celebrated not just a life but an attitude to life.

When you get to assist a family with the creation and delivery of such a powerful and life affirming ceremony, you do feel a little bit better about yourself. You know that you are doing something useful with your time and the meagre talents you have acquired. (False modesty is a talent I have perfected.)

The world is a poorer place because cancer claimed  Malc at the age of 55. He was an inspiring character but his immortality is secure in all the good he did for others and the wonderful loving family he leaves behind.

As I waited to begin that ceremony, I was able to witness the ceremony that preceded us. It too was being led by a celebrant...no names for reasons that will become apparent.

Now, I think we all know by now that I am secure in my belief that god and heaven and all that malarky is a fairy tale. The ceremonies I offer, however, do not dwell on philosophical arguments  about faith and religion because I do not see it as my job to tell people what to think or believe.

There will always be people with varying views on life and death sat in front of me and I always try and make sure they are given a chance to express this in someway even if it only be via a moment of silent reflection when people can lower their heads and pray.

If a family ask me to include the Lord's Prayer, I will include it but only after making them aware that I do not believe the words have any power. For example, let me quote you a section from a funeral I conducted today...

"When asked about religion he said he had none - but as a caring son we feel he would not object to the inclusion of the Lords Prayer,  as he would know it brings great comfort to his 89 year old mother"

This is how I can feel comfortable including a religious aspect into a non religious ceremony. It's my way and I don't object to other celebrants/officiants finding a different way. (That's a lie as you will find out now).

Anyway, back to the ceremony I witnessed earlier today. I heard the officiant speak for the final fifteen minutes of his allotted time and during that time (half of the time we have available to us) he mentioned the name of the deceased just once.

The rest of the time he spoke about himself, his own beliefs, his own hopes for an afterlife...it was in fact a sermon. He actually said at one point how ridiculous it is to think that there is no afterlife - 'how can anyone believe that when we die it all just ends' or words to that effect. He then admitted that although he knew the man who had died was not religious, it was basically his hope that he find peace with the Lord. 

It made me feel very uncomfortable listening to a man who claims to deliver non religious ceremonies proselytising and then putting his own beliefs before those of the deceased. 

As a funeral officiant or celebrant I believe my job is to serve the family and the memory of the deceased. It is not my job to provide the mourners with anything other than a chance to remember, reflect and celebrate the unique nature of a human life. I have nothing to sell and I certainly would never dream of standing up and saying anyone who believes in god is wrong...well not at a funeral anyway.

I am a Humanist, I sometimes do get a chance to explain  what that means to me after a ceremony ends. People sometimes get confused though and often I get referred to as a Humorist but today after a funeral a man said to me "that's the first one of those funerals I've been too - you're a Hypnotist aren't you?"

I am not a hypnotist, I don't claim to have any powers, real or imagined. I don't claim that any words I utter bring peace and happiness into the life of a family devastated by death. I just want to say enough words to get them safely through the toughest day of their lives. I want to say nice things about nice people - but sadly not all people are 'nice'.

Here was another challenge today - to say something 'nice' and helpful about a young man whose life was tragically cut short but whose loss to the world might be considered less important than some others.

Being non judgemental is a must in my job - actually, that's a lie. You can be judgemental to some extent but you must not let your judgement steer your course. 

This lad, who was described to me as "a bad un",  left behind a grieving mother and a girlfriend expecting their first child. The mother loved her son and she admitted she always felt a little less concerned about him when he was safely locked up in prison.

You see, not everyone can have the powerful influence on this world that Malc did, but no matter the life you live, no matter the 'mistakes' you make - hopefully somebody loves you.

And hopefully someone like me will be there to stand up and find the right words to help a grieving family say goodbye, words that are about the person in the box, not ourselves. 

Each human life is unique and so therefore special to those who share it - for good or ill. That should be our focus and today I was reminded why. 

Enjoy your weekend.