Saturday Supplement

How wonderful for you all, a gift of genius from your Guru. A blog.

Dreams are an insight into the world we wished we lived, so I would like to be brave this morning and share with you last nights nocturnal visitation from the land beyond beyond. I will expose myself and am prepared for the shock this might cause.

In my dream I was a famous detective, so famous that I didn't have a name, I was simply known as 'the Detective'.

I was called in by a wealthy lady to investigate the crippling of her favourite horse - the lady was large bosomed and spoke with a plum in her mouth. I asked her to remove the plum and it soon became clear that this made her easier to understand.

She explained that she had left the horse watching television (re-runs of Steptoe and Son as the horse was a distant relative of Old Ned) but upon her return from Waitrose, she found the horse in agony on the floor clutching one of his ankles. The horse had told her that "he did it" before slipping into a coma.

Sadly he couldn't point out the culprit as he was holding his ankles with all his free hooves and it took all his energy to speak.

So, there was I, the Detective, with my faithful sidekick called Marianne.

On investigating the scene, I noticed that near the chair where the horse had been sitting was a small table on which was a hay sandwich and a bottle of chablis, cold and running with condensation. The sandwich had not been touched and the bottle was full - there was no sign of a glass. Then I spotted a broken glass laying just inside the door of the rather spacious lounge.

Near the broken glass, looking like it had been casually discarded, was a large silk cushion on which was stitched a scene of pheasants fleeing a gun dog.

I then returned to the chair and noticed a few dog hairs on a cushion.

I said to the lady - "where is your dog?"

"How do you know I have a dog?" she replied.

"Elementary my dear lady - I saw it when we came in earlier".

The dog was summoned, it entered very sheepishly, making little baa-ing noises. He also had a black eye.

I then gathered everyone around and explained what had happened.

The horse, left watching television, had decided to have a snack and so went to the kitchen to make a hay sandwich and get the chablis from the fridge. Upon returning to the lounge he had found the dog sat in his chair and had given him a good telling off and a punch in the eye for good measure. The horse had settled down and then realised he had left his glass in the kitchen.

The horse left to fetch the glass and the wounded dog seized his chance. He carefully positioned the cushion just inside the door and when the horse returned he slipped on the cushion and injured his ankle. It was all so clear - mystery solved.

The lady rewarded me with £1 million Euros, the dog went to prison, Marianne released a record and the horse sadly died and was turned into dog food, which was then sent to the prison where his attacker was detained.

The dream closes with the dog laughing uncontrollably and pointing at the dinner plate.


This dream is very telling, it shows the great intellect and insight that I possess as well as showing that I have a way with animals.

I think it also shows that cauliflower cheese and prosecco before bed is a bad idea.

Have a nice day and sweet dreams for tonight.