Saturday Supplement

Well here we are again, a week has flown by and I have been prodded and poked by the JP to give unto you a little extra - the main course arrives tomorrow, a perfectly harmless dissertation on the state of Special Educational Needs. Mrs B is worried I might upset someone but I told her to rest easy, people know that the Guru speaks only the truth and if the truth hurts then that shows some fault in the recipient of my wisdom and insight.

As if to prove a point, I awoke on Friday and found myself full of joie de vivre, or whatever the English equivalent is. I sat and ate my temporary breakfast cereal - temporary because when the box is empty I’m going back to granola - and watched the news and was saddened to see events in Pakistan. Terrible scenes of flooding and devastation, old men clinging to wire fences whilst the torrent of water threatened to tear them away from their loved ones and their lives.

And then a scene showing two buffalo being swept along by the cataract, terrified creatures who had no doubt shared a muddy field together, now facing their bovine fate side by side. Then,heartbreakingly, I spotted a poor little donkey, also being carried away to perish in the flood.

I tried to remain upbeat, I went out to work determined to be positive and enjoy the freedom of my life, the freedom from poverty and the devastating weather, in fact freedom from fear.

I drove to Lincoln and conducted a funeral and then on the way home I called at Tesco.

Even as I pulled into the car park, the cold hand of dread seized my heart, but I knew I had to face my fear and enter the palace of retail hell. Mrs B needed Pinot and so in I went.

I imagined myself in the role of Anna (minus the King) and I whistled a happy tune as I grasped my basket and set off in search of a few tidbits and as I passed the coleslaw section I heard some smelly oaf complaining very loudly, VERY loudly, about the cost of said cabbage based accompaniment.

The smelly rude man was being obnoxious to staff members and at that point the image of that drowning donkey flashed into my head and I was forced to speak, nay - to act!

So with basket in hand and smile firmly affixed I walked across and told him that the cost of a pot of coleslaw was nothing at the side of the cost of losing your home, your livelihood or your life. I then raised my own voice, slightly and said “Get a grip you moron, coleslaw is a luxury!”

I walked away feeling full of joy, the rude man stood, stunned by my outburst - I then stopped dead in my tracks, turned and walked back to the display where I selected the most expensive coleslaw I could find and placed it in my basket. If I had long hair, this is when I would have tossed it in a disdainful manner. I now made my exit, via the pizza aisle - well I needed something for the coleslaw to go on. Farewell fish finger sandwiches which had been my choice for the evening repast.

In hindsight speaking in this way to a total stranger was a dangerous course of action as he looked the type who might carry some sort of offensive weapon, which would have neatly matched his offensive demeanour, appearance and smell.

Sometimes we have to speak up, we have to point out the absurdity of a situation, we have to open our hearts and act, otherwise all the little donkeys in the world might die in vain.

I like to think that the little donkey in Pakistan, the poor terrified creature, died to give me the courage to put that imbecile in his place.

Thank you little donkey.


And so my day continued and I enjoyed my pizza and coleslaw - bloody expensive middle class coleslaw, but every mouthful was sweeter as I thought of that rank odorous troglodyte eating his value coleslaw and wondering who they hell was that man in the suit and lovely silk tie who harangued me in Tesco? (Of course he wouldn’t have said harangued, he was too thick).


Thank you for reading the Saturday Supplement, now go on line and support the Disasters Emergency Committee or the Donkey Sanctuary...please.


See you tomorrow.

http://drupal.thedonkeysanctuary.org.uk/

http://www.dec.org.uk/

Emergency Blog!

I know what you are thinking - he promised to stop blogging - well, let's just pretend I'm a politician and that means promises are made to be broken, plus this is an emergency, so stand back as I break the glass and release the handle on the emergency blog.

Since 1997, I have appeared on the stage many times in many guises - from the owner of an Italian restaurant via a Brummy horse to a Jewish gangster and ending up as a Geordie elf! And all for no pay - I did it for the love of theatre and I have to say it was brilliant. I was brilliant too - occasionally.

My friend, the JP, is busily scripting and shaping words into a new play that he will eventually deliver unto the world and I have recently been invited to several local shows created by young ambitious folk who want to take this love of theatre and make a life out of it...and good for them I say.

I suppose acting must be about the most over subscribed occupation in the world, for every actor that gets the job there are hundreds that don't and to get the job there are many sacrifices that have to be made - it is not an easy life but it can be a very rewarding one.

Having that chance to grab your dream and to just go for it - I would suggest to anyone out there who is sitting back thinking, "I can't" or "I shouldn't", that you should and you must!

Yes it will be a struggle but then life is never guaranteed to be easy, but if you work hard and if you suffer the slings and arrows, you might just find that you have some great memories to look back on, a renewed confidence to chase the dream and some good friends to support you.

Now, where is all this cosy philosophy coming from, why the warm gush first thing in the morning? Well, it is the fault of several people  connected with the show I went to see last night at the Lyceum Theatre in Sheffield - Laughter in the Rain.

Laughter in the Rain is the story of Neil Sedaka, told to the audience by the man, his family and collaborators. It obviously contains many of his songs and if you are from a certain generation you soon find yourself drawn along with the inevitable uplifting tide of the show. It is a great show, you sing, you clap, you smile and there is even a chance for a tear to fall - you even get to stand up and dance and that is the first thing I want to say thank you for...there were hundreds of people 'dad-dancing' in that auditorium and it felt OK!

Of course the best thing about the show was the superb role played by the ASM and the whole thing held together thanks to the efforts of the wardrobe assistant but beyond those two hard working, dedicated, sober individuals, it would be unfair to pick out anyone on that stage for special mention...it was simply a great piece of work.

Having said I don't want to mention individuals I am now going to do exactly that...Wayne Smith as Sedaka, a warmth of delivery that cannot be produced from just acting - it comes from that reservoir of sincerity that not every actor possesses. His singing voice was first class too.

Edward Handoll as Howard Greenfield, Alastair Natkiel as Don Kirshner - both excellent.

You see this is why I shouldn't have started with names because now I want to praise them all - anyway, the rest of the cast and the band were brilliant.

Let me backtrack a little - if you do love the theatre and you want to make a life for yourself in that world you have to fight hard for it, you have to make those sacrifices and I met two young men who are doing that and more power to them for chasing that dream and not giving in and for giving it 110% last night during the show.

First of all, Charlie Adams, a brief meeting with Charlie will leave you with the memory of his smile and a likeable quality that makes you wish you knew him better - he can sing too! Charlie played several roles in the play and you just knew he was enjoying himself and having read his bio I will now watch out for his appearance in the tampax advert! I'm sure his confidence flows from somewhere other than a sanitary product.

Kieran Brown, we met after the show - he played Elton John and Tony Christie as well as other roles. Kieran has a big one, a bio that is, measured against Charlie anyway - Kieran has worked in productions from Les Miserable to Taggart and he seems to have made a great life for himself. All that work and he doesn't look a day over 19 and I want to put on the record that he is about as far away from camp as you can get - no camp with Kieran, even if he does drink wine before beer.

Here is a young man working hard, getting paid next to nothing but still determined to be the best he could be...and with such plans for his own future.  I wish him every success and I can only suggest you visit his website at www.kieranbrown.com or follow him on twitter (luciferbox). He knows Daniel Boys too - so that raises him another level for me.

There will be many who went to see Laughter in the Rain who came away feeling better and happier for the experience - I certainly did. I was invigorated by the youthfulness and unadulterated joy of the cast and I was left thinking - come on old fella, get your arse in gear and start learning lines!

So, emergency over, a little release of pent up happiness which a miserable old bastard should not have to carry around all day.

Thanks to Dean and Niki, thanks to Kieran, thanks to Charlie, thanks to all the cast and crew of Laughter in the Rain - hope you get to the West End.

Important Announcement

Having taken a short break following my year long daily blog-a-thon, by almost popular demand, The View from the Hill returns...but this time as a fortnightly event in which I will have the time to expand on some of the great issues troubling the modern world.

Hunger, greed, sex, faith, expression, depression and cucumbers - no these are not some new deviant Seven Dwarves, these are just some of the topics I will be investigating, and talking of topics I must say that there is no longer a hazelnut in every bite.

You see already your world is more enlightened by my return - you can rest easy, I am with you, my rod and staff will comfort you.Although I had to fire Rod from my staff for the petty pilfering of hazelnuts.

I feel it is my duty to offer these nuggets of wisdom, these tiny drops of genius, as I am fully aware that they have become so useful to my faithful followers. I am offering you a rare insight into the mind of a guru, a modern day non-religious evangelist if you will, a crusader for a better life.

Place yourself in my slightly sweaty hands and I will deliver you to nirvana, or as close as this bus can get to nirvana, probably Chichester.

If you feel you wish answers to those big questions in life (questions like,what is the meaning of life?) then come close and open yourself up to the wonder of my universe. By the way, the meaning of life - a Monty Python film (1983).

But before we move on, I better allow you time to calm down, you may well be over excited by my second coming...it’s not just anyone who can have a second coming you know!

So, go my brethren, go and wash the sleep from your eyes, they need to be fully open to the possibility that your world will change forever simply because GuruDrew offered you - The View from the Hill.


PS

If do have questions that need an answer just send them to me and I will probe them diligently - I am a very diligent prober!


Coming Soon:

The View on: Laughter, Happiness and Well Being.

The View from the Hill on Wednesday 7th July

It started one year ago, and on that day it was raining - this morning it is overcast and the rain is on the way. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose!

Actually much has changed over the last year but as the weather forecast clearly states for today, into every life some rain must fall.

Danny and Jake have left this mortal coil and the world kept spinning even though I wanted it to stop just for a little while so I could catch my breath. Miss you boys.

My own mortality still teases me through the good offices of doctors who prescribe new tablets and take my blood pressure and set me targets for weight loss.

We are sending our young men and women to fight a battle that cannot be won, they die and we count them brave whilst under our breath we mutter about the waste.

The Old Nazi still bugs me.

Faithful friends and readers have come and gone, a core indeed a solid core remain true to the end and my thanks to you for that.

I have made you laugh and cry and occasionally gip (Miss Twillets) and you have given me the ammo for some quite awful puns and sarcasm.

Today is just another day for most but for some it will be a hard day and to those of you who are making life changing decisions please remember it is better to make hard decisions than to live with the consequences of making none.

Throughout this year, in fact throughout the last 28 years, Mrs B has been there for me. We have shared some bloody awful times and we have shared some great times - she is the love of my life and I know I could not go on without her. Thank you Mrs B...63+

I thank you all for reading this eclectic collection, this melange of memory, this daily diatribe - and now the experiment ends - I did it.

But, dear reader, I cannot leave you completely and so I will from time to time post a blog and if you find the time to read it I will of course be grateful.

Have a great day, have a great year, have a great life. 0

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

...this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Winston Churchill

HINGE AND BRACKET.5.GALA EVENING.THE WHITE HORSE INN.Clip 5.