Heart

January 6th

Heart

My voice is a little hoarse this morning from a combination of laughing so much last night and the symptoms of a cold.

I’m not certain if this is a new cold or the one that’s been bothering me for some weeks and which led to a bout of sinusitis just before Christmas.

There was a time after my heart attack that I did not suffer with a cold at all. It must have been four or five years and I began to think that surviving a near death experience had recharged my immune system to such a level that I was now impervious to colds and attendant issues. Looks like my immune system has run out of charge! (Although I don’t fancy another go with the jump leads thank you very much).

On the subject of the heart attack (and I’ll stop talking about that soon I promise), I was contacted last night by a chap who runs a Facebook group for survivors of heart attacks. He asked me to join and say something inspirational. I’m still working on that but I’m not sure this relationship will last that long. I have a poor track record with Facebook groups. I usually get asked to leave for not being  deferential enough to the ‘Admins’.


Admins are like the great and powerful Oz, just some idiot behind a curtain, or in this case the veil of the internet.  It’s the most power some people will have in their lifetime and some do let it go to their heads.

Admins can be the embodiment of a combination of dangerous traits. Someone extremely keen to do a job at which they are totally inept. Think Donald Trump and you’ll not be far off the mark.

I tried being an Admin once…least said the better I think.

Back to last night, the show was very funny and at one point the whole audience were given kazoos to play; with varying degrees of success. A concert hall with the best acoustics in the country, filled with the ridiculous sound of one thousand  people playing the theme to Doctor Who on the kazoo.

I couldn’t play for laughing. I laughed a lot. I laughed so much that I’ve had to put my trousers out to be washed this morning.

I love properly scripted comedy. I went to one of those improvised comedy things once but I didn't like it; it just felt like they were making it up as they went along.

I was attending the show without chaperone, which is not unusual for me, but in my present physical condition it’s a bit of a risk.  Like going to the North Pole without having your vest tucked in. Maybe that’s where I got this cold?


 Anyway, I safely navigated myself into the concert hall and found my seat. I ended up sitting next to a retired teacher, a charming lady. It must be noted that the whole audience was populated by white, middle class pensioners. And me. It was like a Radio 4 retirement home.

 Anyway, the lady and I chatted amiably  about many things including our thoughts on the state of British comedy and the arts in general.

She was very proud of the fact that at a recent pub quiz, none of the six people in her team could name the winner of this years ‘I’m A Celebrity’…not one of them had watched it.

I did watch it but I still cannot tell you who won.

This initiated a conversation about the ubiquitous Ant & Dec.  Coincidentally, earlier in the day I had been listening to a new radio comedy in which their progenitors, Dick & Dom, were mentioned. I come from an era even earlier than that, the era of Trevor and Simon…I can still swing my pants, although not at the minute as they too are in the wash.


Much to my great pleasure, Jack Dee shared this tale last night:



The teams are going to treat us to a spot of acting next, in the game called Sound Charades. This is based on the erstwhile TV favourite Give Us A Clue, in which players mimed titles of songs, books and films. The undisputed master of the game was Lionel Blair, whose TV career has sadly waned of late. He did, however, recently audition for I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here!. Lionel's challenge was to sail a raft across a river with a small crew, but sadly the raft hit a rock and sank, and what a look of horror there was on Ant's face when Lionel went down with both hands on deck.



Enough of this silliness, I suppose I better start working on my inspirational words for the heart attack survivors Facebook group.

I feel like a cross between Bear Grylls & Marjorie Proops but to be honest after 11 years of experience as a survivor all I can think to say is…you are alive, so live!

I’ll probably get sanctioned by the Admins for not taking it seriously enough and I’ll be banished to the relative obscurity of this blog for all time.

Take care, and remember the most important lesson you will have learned today is there will come a time when incontinence pads will be more important to you than iPads.