Invocations & Instructions To The Audience

Invocations & Instructions To The Audience

December 19th

I did it. I managed to stay awake and concentrate on the film.  I shall not describe the plot nor give any hint of a review, sufficed to say that I will try and see Star Wars:The Rise of Skywalker again over the festive period.

Now to the business at hand. Audiences.

I have written on previous occasions how amusing I find it watching people struggle to find their seats in a theatre. If only they could work out a system with letters and numbers that gives you a clue as to where you might be sitting.

There was one occasion at The Royal Concert Hall in Nottingham, when Mrs B & I found two people sitting in the seats we had booked and they refused to move even when we showed them our tickets. The front of house staff did their best in trying to persuade them to budge, but they refused. I think they believed that being over 75 gave them a free hand to sit wherever they pleased!

There was another occasion when we first went to see Les Mis and again found two people sitting in our seats. This was slightly more puzzling as they also had tickets with those seat numbers on…however, on closer inspection it turned out they had booked those seats but for the following week!


People coughing, checking their phones, eating noisy and smelly food, having sex; these are just a few of the things that might distract not only fellow audience members but the performers too.

If you cannot sit still, without eating, or sticking your tongue into someone for just a couple of hours then stay at home and watch TV!

The only upside for rowdy and disruptive punters at the cinema is they are very unlikely to incur the wrath of any of the actors on screen…unless they have sneaked in to watch themselves in the movie.

So, last night, the lights go down and there’s a lot of noise and stupidity from some young men a few rows behind us but as the adverts finish and the film comes on they do at least go quiet. But that’s when the man in the seat immediately behind me starts saying to his companion, “I need a bin”.

Initially I thought, just throw your rubbish on the floor like everyone else, but then I realised he didn't want to throw rubbish…he wanted to throw up!

Fortunately I had not taken my coat off and it did have a hood attached, so I started to think about slipping the hood on to avoid getting showered in projectile vomit.

However, the man didn't throw up, as it seemed he was actually having some kind of a panic attack.

His companion assisted him to the floor, so he could calm his now hyperventilating friend.

The whole thing lasted just a few minutes and didn’t spoil the film but it reminded me of all those times I had suffered panic attacks in the past.

The last one I had in a theatre was during the interval of Death of A Salesman, a brilliant production with Wendell Pierce and Dame Sharon D Clarke. I am still sorry I didn't see the second act but that’s what living with anxiety can be like. You never quite know what will trigger an attack.

My anxiety levels have been running pretty high lately, and I’ve been forgetful and distracted…it’s why I’m planning a fortnights break in the New Year.

And you know what, for all the nuisances that other people can cause, generally speaking, being in an audience at a theatre or a cinema is one of the best places I can ever hope to be.

I have many theatre trips planned in the New Year, fingers crossed I get to see all of the show.