Greetings, my ever shrinking band of followers - I am considering whether the end is nigh?
On Tuesday morning I managed to drag my aged bottom into the BBC Radio Nottingham studio, where I sat with local novelist and academic, Nicola Monaghan. We were there to discuss the weekends news stories with our host Mark Dennison, ably supported by his production team of James and Lewis.
We talked about Libya and housing and school uniforms and other more frivolous matters and I think the whole thing went OK, but in an off-air conversation, Nicola told me that she had read my blog...oh dear.
Someone who makes a living writing, someone who has published several novels and has a new one on the way, someone who leads the creative writing BA course at The University of Nottingham...she read my blog.
I only ever expected a few people, close friends and family members, to actually find time in their day to wade through the rubbish I commit to this blog - but there have been times when I have reached a wider audience.
A blog entry about Mrs B making me clean the cupboards out was a smash hit with hundreds of readers from around the world. I still have not worked out why people were so keen to hear about Mrs B's Marmite or my collection of pepper.
As I make an effort to re-read some of my previous outpourings of wisdom, I note how the blog has changed, with many silly attempts at humour and occasionally a very serious and worthy piece about something that has disturbed the aura of the Guru.
Anyway, Nicola said some quite nice things about the blogs, which in itself unsettled the aura...and you are never quite sure if comments are made out of pure politeness. That is not to say that for a moment my head swelled ever so slightly, but it did make me re-evaluate whether this was something that I should now put away, having reached a possible zenith in my linguistic meanderings.
Perhaps the time has come for the Guru to drift into retirement and solitude, hermit like to live out the remainder of my days in my little office, typing no more than 140 characters to those Twitterers who I have entranced with my false humility?
Rest on my laurels and reflect on a glorious past in the same way that an ageing Bruce Wayne would eventually have to hang up his cape and recall the echoes of past battles with The Joker and his minions.
But then I thought, NO!
I do not write these blogs just so that they will be read, although I will share them and make them available hoping that someone makes the effort!
The fact is that of my 127 Facebook friends only a a small percentage read the blog, that is a choice they make and I have no problems with anyone choosing what they spend their time doing, but you could read this blog and still have time to look at porn before Blue Peter starts!
I write the blogs for me - and for a small but loyal band of feeble minded muppets who have nothing better to do with their time than read the brain snot of a self styled Guru, who conceals behind that facade, the real face of the author.
Oh yes, the real me peeks out occasionally, but in truth the sarcastic,witless, politically incorrect Guru gives me the cover to be a little outrageous.
This blog is heading nowhere fast, so perhaps I should just say that writing this entry has allowed me to clarify in my own mind that I should continue to write when I have something to say, I will also continue to write when I have nothing to say because I say nothing better than anyone I know!
Yes, be not troubled my faithful followers - even if no one hears this tree falling in the forest, I'm going to keep my chopper in my hand.
Enjoy reading the blog, if you don't read it who cares - and if you read it and you do enjoy it, keep it to yourself otherwise men in white coats might be dispatched!
Phone rings...Hello
BBC Nottingham, Sunday morning, newspaper review,7.50am, don't be late!
The Guru is back in business!
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