It's true! It's true! The Crown has made it clear...
Sorry, a little Camelot outburst got me, but it is true, I do have an electric boot - on the borrowed car I am driving at the moment.
Now I understand how, with hands full, the quick press of a button on your key fob will enable you to deposit your burden into the boot, the lid rising majestically at your control but how lazy and incompetent do you have to be to then have a separate button to press which lowers the boot again?
The car also has bluetooth for your mobile phone so you talk through the radio - it's all a bit technical but one thing is for sure, it runs the battery down on your phone too quickly.
The car even has a little flashing light which displays a number from 3 to 6 and it took me a little while to understand it was advising which gear you should be in.
Eventually they will design a car that does not need a driver, nor passengers - there will be countless empty cars roaming the streets looking for parking spaces.
But why do you have this new car I hear you ask...my own chariot is in the hands of the mechanics undergoing the surgery I spoke about last week, fly wheels and clutch.
Yesterday I arose early and drove to Derby to do the swap over, then quickly back home to get changed before driving to Lincoln then Grantham, then Lincoln and home arriving at about 8.15pm.
I had managed to find a small window in my schedule that allowed me to call in at our favourite chinese restaurant, The Ocean, in Lincoln. After nibbling a few prawn crackers, I dispatched a spring roll and then devastated a Kung Po chicken.
When I did get home, the house was empty but for our two doggie lodgers, Mrs B was off at the theatre drooling over Anton Du Beke.
I put the telly on and watched the end of a concert filmed in 1973, it was the great Marlene Dietrich. Aged about 72, sewed into a skin tight dress, she lisped her way through her catalogue of songs and gave a performance that only she could get away with.
She was never happy with the results of this taped concert but she did get paid £250,000, which was a lot of money back in the early 1970's.
It reminded me of a great night that Mrs B and I had in the theatre, we went to the Theatre Royal in Lincoln to see Sian Phillips in a play about Dietrich, simply called Marlene. Phillips was brilliant, and it had to be about the best thing I ever saw done on that stage - with the possible exception of Tony Fielding-Raby in La Cage.
Of course all the shows I did on that stage were breathtaking - but I didn't see them so I can't comment.
So, it was a long day and today will be equally busy and then I must rescue my car and give up the one with the electric boot.
It also has sliding rear doors so in short...
there's simply not, a more congenial spot, for happily-ever-aftering than here in Camelot.
Bloody Camelot-itis now!
Friday, 11 March 2011
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
How many Dicks do you know?
Hi Di Hi
Whilst watching Breakfast TV this morning, I noted the appearance of Richard Westcott, reporting on the demise of the public toilet - as I have already stated elsewhere, with his scruffy beard and clothing and in the manner with which he nonchalantly leaned against the toilet door, he gave the impression of a French rent boy.
It got me thinking about other Richard's famous or not - that have crossed my path.
I have a brother called Richard, he is not famous - yet. He did have his moment in the spotlight as a boy soprano. My mother wept tears of joy as he stood before the congregation and sang the opening verse to Once In Royal Davids City for a Christmas carol concert. His singing career petered out after appearing as one of Fagin's gang in a production of Oliver.
Being from Mansfield I must mention Richard Bacon, now I don't know Mr Bacon but I have met his mum and dad, does that count?
Last night I heard Miriam Margoyles on the Graham Norton show stating her dislike for the late Richard Harris - he was grumpy apparently.
Now Richard Widmark looked grumpy but was a very nice man by all accounts and then I recalled Richard Whitleley but after that I started to run short of famous Richards.
Oh wait, Richard Roundtree just jumped into my mind - he was the original Shaft of course...
And another flash - many years ago Mrs B and I were on holiday and we happened to be in LA on the day that Little Richard was being given his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - didn't meet him but we got close enough to see that it was really him, or what was left of him after all the plastic surgery.
Dick Dastardly - but he was a cartoon character...
Dick Sargeant - from Bewitched...
suddenly all these dicks were flashing in my head!
But there must be more so how to jog my memory and dredge up some more names - I know, the internet....
Dear Readers, please take my advice and type "famous Richards" NOT "celebrity dicks" in your search engine. I got quite a shock.
I am going to leave you now to come up with your own Richards and Dicks.
Enjoy.
Whilst watching Breakfast TV this morning, I noted the appearance of Richard Westcott, reporting on the demise of the public toilet - as I have already stated elsewhere, with his scruffy beard and clothing and in the manner with which he nonchalantly leaned against the toilet door, he gave the impression of a French rent boy.
It got me thinking about other Richard's famous or not - that have crossed my path.
I have a brother called Richard, he is not famous - yet. He did have his moment in the spotlight as a boy soprano. My mother wept tears of joy as he stood before the congregation and sang the opening verse to Once In Royal Davids City for a Christmas carol concert. His singing career petered out after appearing as one of Fagin's gang in a production of Oliver.
Being from Mansfield I must mention Richard Bacon, now I don't know Mr Bacon but I have met his mum and dad, does that count?
Last night I heard Miriam Margoyles on the Graham Norton show stating her dislike for the late Richard Harris - he was grumpy apparently.
Now Richard Widmark looked grumpy but was a very nice man by all accounts and then I recalled Richard Whitleley but after that I started to run short of famous Richards.
Oh wait, Richard Roundtree just jumped into my mind - he was the original Shaft of course...
And another flash - many years ago Mrs B and I were on holiday and we happened to be in LA on the day that Little Richard was being given his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - didn't meet him but we got close enough to see that it was really him, or what was left of him after all the plastic surgery.
Dick Dastardly - but he was a cartoon character...
Dick Sargeant - from Bewitched...
suddenly all these dicks were flashing in my head!
But there must be more so how to jog my memory and dredge up some more names - I know, the internet....
Dear Readers, please take my advice and type "famous Richards" NOT "celebrity dicks" in your search engine. I got quite a shock.
I am going to leave you now to come up with your own Richards and Dicks.
Enjoy.
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Clean Cupboards
It feels more like autumn that spring here in Mansfield, the fog hasn't lifted all day and there is a slight drizzle of rain. The logs on the fire are doing as much as they can to alleviate the coldness that has permeated these old bones of mine, bones which ache just a little more than usual after Mrs B decided today was the day we cleaned the cupboards! I tried to resist but she can be very forceful, so I conceded defeat and tried my best to be helpful.
It happens once every four or five years, Mrs B decides to take everything out of the cupboards, and then put it all back in a slightly different order. She would say that we actually discard things we no longer need, I would point to the fact that we have pyrex dishes that predate Fanny Craddock, pyrex that we never ever use...but it is all now clean and stacked very neatly for another twelve or fifteen years!
We did throw away some out of date spices and condiments but on the whole we still have enough bowls, jugs, pots, flan dishes (god knows the last time we actually had a flan) casseroles and assorted glassware to start our own branch of Spoils. Actually did Spoils go out of business - if they did it is because we have their stock.
The shelves are all clean and the work surfaces are visible for a change - I never put anything away you see - I like to keep things handy.
We have three salt pots, one with Lo-Salt one with sea salt and one with normal salt.
We now have pepper pots too numerous to mention with white ground pepper, black ground pepper, black pepper corns, white pepper corns, rainbow pepper corns, Szechuan pepper corns and garlic pepper.
In fact, let me show how neat the cupboard looks now...
Please note the huge jar of Marmite that belongs to Mrs B, whereas the cup-a-soups lurking behind it, and already untidy and out of place, are mine.
Oh well, a job done and my only dread is that she will suddenly get the urge to tidy the garage!
Have a nice Saturday and good luck if you are buying a ticket in the lottery - it's a rollover.
I know how it feels!
It happens once every four or five years, Mrs B decides to take everything out of the cupboards, and then put it all back in a slightly different order. She would say that we actually discard things we no longer need, I would point to the fact that we have pyrex dishes that predate Fanny Craddock, pyrex that we never ever use...but it is all now clean and stacked very neatly for another twelve or fifteen years!
We did throw away some out of date spices and condiments but on the whole we still have enough bowls, jugs, pots, flan dishes (god knows the last time we actually had a flan) casseroles and assorted glassware to start our own branch of Spoils. Actually did Spoils go out of business - if they did it is because we have their stock.
The shelves are all clean and the work surfaces are visible for a change - I never put anything away you see - I like to keep things handy.
We have three salt pots, one with Lo-Salt one with sea salt and one with normal salt.
We now have pepper pots too numerous to mention with white ground pepper, black ground pepper, black pepper corns, white pepper corns, rainbow pepper corns, Szechuan pepper corns and garlic pepper.
In fact, let me show how neat the cupboard looks now...
 |
| The newly sorted cupboard |
Please note the huge jar of Marmite that belongs to Mrs B, whereas the cup-a-soups lurking behind it, and already untidy and out of place, are mine.
Oh well, a job done and my only dread is that she will suddenly get the urge to tidy the garage!
Have a nice Saturday and good luck if you are buying a ticket in the lottery - it's a rollover.
I know how it feels!
Friday, 4 March 2011
Sunset
You find me in a reflective, nay pensive mood this evening. I have driven back from Spridlington, a village north of Lincoln, a beautiful and quiet place. As I drove back towards Mansfield, which is neither beautiful nor quiet, I was driving towards the setting sun and its vivid red colours filled the evening sky, painting the Trent valley with its majestic splendour.
As I drove along I was listening to some music and watching the changing scenery and thinking about this day - a day that has involved so many actions that if I were to list them it would take hours - from sitting up in bed, making a cup of tea, brushing my teeth, climbing into the car, talking, walking, laughing....
We take it for granted that we can do these things with differing degrees of ability and taking into account our age, our flexibility, any illnesses or injuries we have - yes, we take it for granted.
I conduct many funeral ceremonies for people who have suffered with dementia and Alzheimer's, it is a terrible disease, your mind turning to mush whilst your body carries on regardless. Today I carried out a funeral for a lady who had suffered a disease which is much worse - motor neurone disease.
The process is very cruel as you may well know - your mind stays sharp whilst your body slowly grinds to a halt - I can't think of anything worse. You end up unable to carry out any of the simple actions that I took for granted all day.
I know this is not a very cheery blog but I don't feel very cheery, even a beautiful sunset couldn't lift my spirits - and I doubt the bottle of Pinot I am about to tackle will ease the the situation - but at least I can open the bottle, lift the glass and swallow the wine.
If you want to know more about MND - click here.
As I drove along I was listening to some music and watching the changing scenery and thinking about this day - a day that has involved so many actions that if I were to list them it would take hours - from sitting up in bed, making a cup of tea, brushing my teeth, climbing into the car, talking, walking, laughing....
We take it for granted that we can do these things with differing degrees of ability and taking into account our age, our flexibility, any illnesses or injuries we have - yes, we take it for granted.
I conduct many funeral ceremonies for people who have suffered with dementia and Alzheimer's, it is a terrible disease, your mind turning to mush whilst your body carries on regardless. Today I carried out a funeral for a lady who had suffered a disease which is much worse - motor neurone disease.
The process is very cruel as you may well know - your mind stays sharp whilst your body slowly grinds to a halt - I can't think of anything worse. You end up unable to carry out any of the simple actions that I took for granted all day.
I know this is not a very cheery blog but I don't feel very cheery, even a beautiful sunset couldn't lift my spirits - and I doubt the bottle of Pinot I am about to tackle will ease the the situation - but at least I can open the bottle, lift the glass and swallow the wine.
If you want to know more about MND - click here.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Calling Doctor Lector
Greetings to my tiny band of perfectly formed followers - I need to ask you a question.
What do you believe?
We are fast approaching the time when you will be asked to complete the census - sadly the Biblical requirement to travel to the place of our birth to be counted is no longer part of the process, which is probably the only reason that I would ever have re-visited Wisbech - capital of the Fens.
On the day of the census the head of the household will record all sorts of information and we will therefore all have to tell the state where we are and what we do and how many times a week we flush the toilet. We will also be asked what we believe, what faith do we belong to. This is where I get a little niggled and would like to stock up on fava beans and chianti - I don't think my faith or lack of it, is the business of the state.
What will happen is that many will tick the Christian box because it's a default UK position - many who tick the box never go to church, never prayer, never watch Songs of Praise, never buy Daniel O'Donnell CD's and will be the worst hypocrites on the face of the planet.
The Hindu, the Sikh, the Muslim, the Jew, the Buddhist, the Rastafarian, the Jedi will all tick their boxes and those with no faith can tick the no faith option and we will end up with a list of figures which people will then use to argue that religion is dead or alive or wounded...
The information will be used to support the entrenched positions already occupied by fundamentalists of all creeds, including atheist.
So what good will it do? None.
Why can't we let faith be a private thing? Why can't we accept that some people change their mind according to life experiences?
What I believe today I may not believe tomorrow.
It's about as much use as asking what football team you support or what is your favourite colour.
So, followers of the Guru, bend to my will and on the day of the census draw a new box on the form and give it the title 'mind your own bleeding business!'.
There we go, just a quickie this morning - I am having my ears lowered and I have miles to go before I sleep...
See you soon dear ones.
What do you believe?
We are fast approaching the time when you will be asked to complete the census - sadly the Biblical requirement to travel to the place of our birth to be counted is no longer part of the process, which is probably the only reason that I would ever have re-visited Wisbech - capital of the Fens.
On the day of the census the head of the household will record all sorts of information and we will therefore all have to tell the state where we are and what we do and how many times a week we flush the toilet. We will also be asked what we believe, what faith do we belong to. This is where I get a little niggled and would like to stock up on fava beans and chianti - I don't think my faith or lack of it, is the business of the state.
What will happen is that many will tick the Christian box because it's a default UK position - many who tick the box never go to church, never prayer, never watch Songs of Praise, never buy Daniel O'Donnell CD's and will be the worst hypocrites on the face of the planet.
The Hindu, the Sikh, the Muslim, the Jew, the Buddhist, the Rastafarian, the Jedi will all tick their boxes and those with no faith can tick the no faith option and we will end up with a list of figures which people will then use to argue that religion is dead or alive or wounded...
The information will be used to support the entrenched positions already occupied by fundamentalists of all creeds, including atheist.
So what good will it do? None.
Why can't we let faith be a private thing? Why can't we accept that some people change their mind according to life experiences?
What I believe today I may not believe tomorrow.
It's about as much use as asking what football team you support or what is your favourite colour.
So, followers of the Guru, bend to my will and on the day of the census draw a new box on the form and give it the title 'mind your own bleeding business!'.
There we go, just a quickie this morning - I am having my ears lowered and I have miles to go before I sleep...
See you soon dear ones.
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