And the Award for Best Plastic Surgery Goes to....

anyone but Barry Manilow!

Did you see him on the Olivier Awards last night (via the BBC Red Button) - he looks awful.

But more about that later - first of all let me congratulate the BBC for deciding to cover this prestigious ceremony and then let me condemn the BBC for that coverage and for letting Jodie Prenger anywhere near a microphone.

She had no clue who she was talking to half the time, and most of the interviewees were bewitched by her breasts, which seemed to want a show all of their own.

The coverage was abysmal, why we cut away from Nancy Carroll making her acceptance speech for Best Actress to hear Paul Gambacinni talking to some scruffy critic is beyond me.

Anyway, the coverage got a little better as the show went on and then we were treated to the site of Elaine Paige, someone else who looks like a surgeon is on speed dial. Have you even seen EP and Manilow in the same room at the same time?

Elaine?

Barry?

Love Child of Barry & Elaine

Manilow came on stage and grimaced his way through Copacabana, and he looks so strange these days I did comment to Mrs B and Miss Twillets that he looks like a pig in sequins.

I also realised that he has been stretched so taut and everything pulled up so high that when he tickles his chin, he's actually masturbating!

There were some real stars present, Joss Ackland told a nice little anecdote before presenting an award, and of course we had Adrian Lester on stage - there was a lot of twitching at that point as Miss Twillets went into a mating ritual of some kind. As an aside - I discovered last night that Miss Twillets has deformed feet - she looks like a chameleon and it's very strange to see her pick up a wine glass with her toes.

So, Adrian Lester departed the stage and then we had the presentation of a Lifetime Achievement Award to Stephen Sondheim, presented to him by Sir Cameron Overcoat and the glorious Angela Lansbury - should be Dame Angela by now.

Now her plastic surgeon is excellent and she looks amazing at 85 and she can still perform...

So, BBC, in closing I will forgive all of the clangers you dropped because the last ten minutes of the three hour show were excellent. 

But the next time I hear the words 'red button' and 'Jodie Prenger' in the same sentence, I hope it means  press here for emergency tit deflation!