Well here we are again, time for the Guru the unload some wisdom on his peeps.
But first - a government health warning:
The views expressed in this blog are those of The GuruDrew, deeply held and well thought out views, views rooted in common sense, views that hopefully some might find offensive, views that are nearly always going to make the world a better place and if you don't like what they say, bugger off!
So much to talk about, so much has happened since last we spoke - I was one of the chosen few who got to spend some time with the aliens from Dr Who, back stage with the stars and later I met up with Charlie again, (the young actor from Laughter in the Rain who I wrote about before) and we bonded a little more. Also on the acting super star news front, I am rehearsing my first role in two years - I will be playing an actor who could be considered perfect for the role of Alfred Hitchcock...anyhoo.
What else is happening, oh yes, the whole world is going mad for Wagner on X Factor and for Anne Widdecombe on Strictly...why do we love the misfits so much?
Which brings me onto the subject of voting...
This week poor old President Obama took a kicking at the polls and the Republican Party, with the help or hinderance of something called the Tea Party, took control of the House of Representatives. I don't claim to totally understand US politics, but then again I don't think most Americans understand it either.
They voted this week in some states to make English their recognised language and in another for the legal right to hunt - I suppose that shows what their priorities are. This is the Palin Effect, you mark my words that lady will play a major part in American politics in the coming years - if she doesn't get her own talk show first. Some of these people are so right wing, they make Genghis Khan look like an amateur.
But that's democracy in action, allowing people to cast their vote for who they want - no matter how deluded they are.
The freedom to express your opinion by voting is now a national pastime thanks to the likes of Strictly and X Factor - and because it's the public voting we must always get it right - right? Wrong!
Let us take the case of those idiots voting for Wagner in X Factor - this is not the public voting for the next recording superstar, this is people subverting the system hoping to upset Simon Cowell. He is doing his best to pretend he doesn't care and through gritted teeth he will say things like "I really shouldn't like it - but I do!". He should stand for politics, to be able to lie like that and smile, he could be in the government.
Voting for the talentless as a joke loses some of its power when a potential winner gets booted out, luckily on the X Factor there are only perhaps three who should win - and I don't include Cher Lloyd, who looks like a cross between a demented munchkin and a slightly melted Barbie doll.
Strictly have handed the voting power to the public this year, no judges to save the best dancer, all are at risk - so far so good. Ms Widdecombe has obviously been saved above better dancers but not at the expense of the best dancers. But there is a movement against voting for her now, due to her authorising the handcuffing of pregnant women in hospital.
Not just any women, women prisoners, most women do not deserved to be handcuffed when they are pregnant. Some women are handcuffed during the act of getting pregnant, pink fluffy handcuffs and all with consent I hasten to add.
But some women should have been handcuffed to prevent the pregnancy, the handcuffs securing their ankles together. A whole generation of teenage mums would have been prevented but for the distribution of handcuffs! Just think how much quieter Tesco would be. In fact Tesco should sell handcuffs!
The fuss about handcuffing pregnant women prisoners is being stirred up by people who have not thought the issue through - let me enlighten you. They say don't vote for Widdecombe as she was the evil heartless women who handcuffed etc etc...they say a leopard cannot change its spots therefore we should not like her and we should not vote for her. OK, taking their logic on board, leopards cannot change their spots therefore the criminal class will always be criminal and untrustworthy - so the pregnant prisoner cannot be trusted and whilst outside prison may well take a chance to escape or steal drugs, so what's wrong with chaining them to a bed?
And when the baby is born, the first thing a hospital does it put a label on it to prevent it being stolen! I rest my case.
You see, Ms Widdecombe was preventing a hospital crime wave.
This week also sees a ruling from Europe (who voted for them by the way?) challenging the blanket ban on prisoners not be allowed to vote. So in the future, some criminals will be allowed to vote whilst in prison - no doubt parties running a strong line of law and disorder policies might not do as well as parties running on a policy of banning burglar alarms.
All of this voting is costing you a fortune and next week added to the ballot will be I'm A Celebrity...
I wonder what has beens they have lined up - I hear Linford Christie is a possible and already ladies are beginning to get excited about see his talent exposed to the world... I can see it now, Stacy Solomon screaming and running around the camp fire like a demented Afghan Hound - "OMG - there's a huge black snake in camp"! Linford smiles - and pulls his trousers up.
Oh well, must go now, I have to decide what to have for breakfast - and I cast my vote for bacon butties!
See you soon my children - and if you wish to read future blogs, please vote by ringing 08008008080808 and donating $1,000.
