The View from the Hill on Saturday 21st November

At 6.30am, the world was shrouded in fog and it was so quiet and peaceful - and warm!

Just a quick blog today, as we are off to London, going to see Kevin Spacey in Inherit The Wind.

I note the passing of Max Robertson, he was 94. For some of us Going For A Song was required viewing. With Robertson in the chair and the late great Arthur Negus warmly chatting about the objects before guessing a price, it was the forerunner of all the antiques programmes that now infest every corner of the viewing schedules.

But this was first and it was the best, and Max Robertson was as far away from David Dickinson as you could get - cultured for a start!

Talking of culture - keep up the votes for Katie Price, she may just quit the jungle and then we could watch the other celebs instead of it just being The Katie Price Show.

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On this day in 1965, Alexander Siddig was born. The Star Trek actor (he played Dr Bashir in Deep Space Nine) is the nephew of Malcolm McDowell who also appeared in Star Trek.

I met Siddig when I went to my one and only disastrous Star Trek convention.

No jokes, too excited about going to London...

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Friday 20th November

It's Children in Need and so all over the country kids will be going to school out of uniform, in offices people will be sitting in bath tubs of baked beans, people will be doing all sorts of silly things to raise money for a charity that seems to go from strength to strength.

With Sir Terry at the helm, I'm sure they will plough on to record sums again, in spite of the financial state of the country. I wonder if those recent winners of £45million will drop a couple of pence in the tin?

There are 61 million people in the UK and if only half of us dropped £1 in the collection tub that would be (wait a minute, where's my calculator?) well it would be more than you can shake a stick at!

I often wonder if the amount you donate is linked to your response to the sad films they show, make you cry and then you donate? Whatever, if it works, do it.

Mrs B and I will donate, we have sponsored our niece and nephew and that's just the start.

So, come on folks, and I am speaking to you all, all around the world, including my latest area of conquest, Australia - donate a dollar, a dinar, a euro, a quid, it all goes to help a really poor kid.

That's my little Children in Need poem.

Sorry to hear about the flooding in Cockermouth but be honest, when anyone says Cockermouth on the news, you sort of smile a little - childish but true. A bigger smile, Harriet Harman getting done for driving w/o Due Care and Attention! Ho!

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On this day in 1947, HM The Queen married Philip Mountbatten. She was then just a Princess of course but it was still a big deal. Everybody loves the Queen and everybody seems less keen on Phil but I did a funeral the other day for a lady who hated the Queen. She and her husband had celebrated 72 years of married life and had received telegrams from the Queen which she refused to have in the house - her reason, because the Queen wouldn't let Princess Margaret marry Peter Townshend! Talk about hold a grudge.

Anyway, my links to the Royal Wedding are quite strange - my invitation never arrived, and so I got to miss the most spectacular event of the year - and it was one of the last big events held in black and white, just a few years later they started holding state occasions in colour.

Anyway, apparently the reason my invitation didn't arrive is simple, I was not alive. The excuses some people use - amazing.

And that's a fact!

Will the real Anne Robinson please stand up!

The View from the Hill on Thursday 19th November

Some people have too much time - like me - and it means they get to think too much and then say things that sound sensible but are actually totally rubbish.

There was a chap from the NHS touting his arse around the TV studios yesterday saying that TV dramas like Holby and Casualty were damaging the reputation of the NHS because they were not realistic in their portrayal of NHS staff. Excuse me but isn't that why they are called drama and not reality!?

Does he really think that we are not able to distinguish between reality and drama, that we cannot suspend our disbelief and just relax and enjoy watching other people have a worse life than us?

I suppose the next thing is The Bill isn't like real police work, Spooks isn't really how MI5 behave, soaps will have to be more normal etc etc - somebody should tell whoever that man from the NHS was to concentrate on ill people.

The next thing I heard was that it was wrong for able bodied actors to portray disabled characters - in the same way that white actors do not black up, we shouldn't pretend to be disabled. OK, let's take this to its logical conclusion...no more panto dames, no more principal boys, no more English pretending to be Scots, no more anything! What's the point of being an actor if all you can ever play is yourself!

Daft people with daft ideas.

Let's talk about something serious - Katy Price and her very clever manipulation of her jungle companions - she has got them eating out of her hand and it all unfolded in front of their eyes and ours on the TV last night. She is so switched on - playing on their sympathy and getting them to agree that it was Ok to fail as she went along, a masterclass, Machiavelli would be going to her for lessons if he was alive today!

She has not won me over yet, and it will take more than flashing her tits to do it. She may have Ant and Hand on her team but I'm still on Team Andre.

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Welcome to World Toilet Day - the day in which the World Toilet Organisation celebrates its foundation and its charter is to unite the world in better toilet facilities for the poor.

On this day in 1959, actress Allison Janney was born. No fun to be had here, Allison Janney has a special place in this household - she will forever be CJ Cregg in The West Wing. (Sigh)

Now I'm off to promote the work of the World Toilet Organisation and when I have done that I will no doubt be flushed with success or if I fail I will be round the bend. First I will feed the toilet duck and then I will see what drains there are on my resources.

These puns are shit...

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Wednesday 18th November

What a miserable day, the weather is terrible and the weather man is irritating. Dear old Des, the Marmite Kid - love him or loathe him. Just far too cheerful for 6.55am.

Through the fog of an early morning I turned on the lights, then put some food in the dogs, switched on the kettle, turned off the kettle, filled the kettle, turned it on again and made tea for me and Mrs B.

I put the news on as usual, Bill and Kate nattering away about this and that and then I think I heard them say that The Queen was in a state about opening parliament. I don't think it's wise for a lady of her advanced years to be in a state about stuff, anyway doesn't she have people to be in a state on her behalf?

She'll be sitting down with her cornflakes, having made her way to the breakfast room, stepping over the little piles of corgi poo that the Royal Dog Poo Lifter has missed (off with his head!).

Then she has to have her face welded into that look that doesn't change and her hair will have to be lacquered within an inch of its life with heavy duty steel reinforced spray to hold up the four stone crown they will plonk on her head.

The horses will be polished and the carriages groomed, and the grooms will be horsing about waiting for Madge and Phil to make their way to Brown Sauce House. There they will put on all their bling before walking backwards down stairs, then a man with a big black rod will try and make the Queen smile, but she won't. She will send him away and he will have a temper tantrum and bang his big black rod on the door, narrowly missing having it circumcised as the door slams in his face.

Then the man with the big black rod will lead all the people who forget to bring their bling to see why the Queen is in a state. There will be Polyphemus the PM and then David Cameraman, flashing as he walks, and we must not forget the other one...from Last Of The Summer Wine Party...Clegg. The new Speaker will be there and the new microphone will bring up the rear with the new karaoke machine.

They will all stand in front of the Queen and she will explain why she is in a state and why the rest of the county will now be following her into a state, until we get to the point where the excitement gets too much and we have to hold an election ( I think she said election).

The common people will then scuttle back to their hole, the Queen will walk backwards down some more steps and after selling her bling to pay for the deficit, she will go back to the Palace and eat the rest of her cornflakes.

I love the British traditions, it makes us who we are.

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On this day in 1975 something that would change the face of the world happened, somewhere in a far off land called Geordie, a little Ant was born. The little Ant was a very busy and industrious creature and he worked so hard that he managed to find a place on a ship that sailed off to Australia, apparently there was some work going in the jungle. Sadly, the ship was being captained by a fourth generation relative of mine, Lionel Behab. On the journey, which was often fraught with danger, the little Ant met a deck hand, he had been born in Geordie land too, but he was an orphan and he had no name so he was known by his job..the two became inseparable - Ant and Hand.

With a Behab at the helm the ship obviously got lost and hit a reef and started to sink, and little Ant was not happy when Behab shouted "all hands on Deck". Poor Hand didn't know where to put himself, but after a while with help from Ant, they managed to pull himself together.

They ended up in the jungle and found they were not alone, there was a tribe of terrible creatures, Sellabreetees. Poor old Ant and Hand were condemned to live with the Sellabreetees until rescued by a man in a big yacht looking for talent, the one and only Simon Scowell. And they all lived happily ever after.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Tuesday 17th November

Nice to hear Polyphemus Brown talking about some sort of withdrawal from Afghanistan - keep it up.

The death of Edward Woodward was reported yesterday and I feel obliged to comment as two of the best acting performances you are ever likely to see were produced by the man who Laurence Oliver referred to by saying his name sounded like a "fart in a bath - Ebwub wub wub".

Judi Dench took to calling him Ewar Woowar, but whatever teasing he had about his name, there was no teasing about his ability to act.

In 1973 Woodward starred with Christopher Lee in The Wicker Man, playing the virginal Sgt Howie, this film takes us on a search for missing girls and uncovers pagan rituals, Woodward is solid and totally believable and the end scene is still one I love to see, in fact I downloaded the soundtrack onto my ipod and to hear Woodward plead to God is amazing.

In 1980 he starred with Bryan Brown in a film called Breaker Morant, a film about the Boer War and the atrocities committed in the name of the British Government. Again, Woodward is totally believable and draws you into the story and again he has a killer final line - "shoot straight you bastards - don't make a mess of it!".

I got the dvd recently for 79p and it seems too little to pay for what is a very good film and a fine piece of acting by a man who everyone seemed to have liked.

From Callan to Eastenders, from The Equalizer to musical theatre, he was a man of many talents and I can do no better than recommend you watch Breaker Morant or The Wicker Man at your earliest convenience.

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On this day in 1966, Jeff Buckley was born. His premature death through drowning at the age of 30 took a great voice but left us that song...the song that Leonard Cohen wrote and now everybody and his dog has recorded - Hallelujah.

When I cut my first album, I will do a cover version of that song along with Isle of Capri by Gracie Fields, The Laughing Gnome by David Bowie and The White Rose of Athens by Nana Mouskouri, all great romantic ballads, I will call the album Drew sings A Load of Ballads.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Monday 16th November

The day we all overslept! Not sure why the dogs didn't get us up as usual but I suppose it could be that it was lashing down with rain and they thought, bugger it, I'll stay dry.

Anyway, cup of tea in hand and belly full of cereal and here we are in front of the Mac and it dawns on me that I need to dig my other Mac out for later.

Sir Michael Caine has long been a favourite of mine, from playing Lt Bromhead in Zulu right through The Italian Job and Cider House Rules, he is a very entertaining man.

In his latest film, which I thoroughly recommend, he plays a retired Royal Marine named Harry Brown, and he is spellbinding.

It is one of the grittiest and scariest films I have seen for ages, not scary because of violence, although there is plenty of that, scary because of it's uncompromising view of the world this old man lives in and the effect it has on normal people.

The cinema was fairly full and yet there was complete silence - not a cough or splutter to be heard and no one wandering in and out for drinks or the toilet - everyone was glued to it.

It isn't the best film ever but Michael Caine, old and almost beaten down, holds the attention.

I hope he gets the recognition he deserves, he is not just some 'diamond geezer' as some reviewers put it, he is a first rate acting legend.

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On this day in 1928, actor Clu Gulager was born - now as I was looking down the list of todays births there were bigger and better known names that jumped out, like Burgess Meredith and Frank Bruno but when I saw Clu Galager I heard music....can't you hear it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1fIlqYmVBg&feature=related

(copy and paste above to see)

Hope this works - wasn't it fab?

This was must see telly of it's time - Friday nights.

Anyway, no funny tales, it's still raining and I am playing this video over and over again.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Sunday 15th November

I am beginning to think that the invention of Sky+ was the most wonderful invention ever. Not only can you fast forward through the adverts when you have recorded a show, you can fast forward through Alesha Dixon when she speaks,well I say speak, I think it's speaking, it is some syllables pushed together and occasionally a real word pops out accidentally.

I suppose I better be careful what I put, this is only my opinion of course, and all in good innocent fun Alesha - (I do remember someone getting sent to prison for three months for making threats on facebook) in fact the reason I can't listen to Alesha talk is not that she just talks shit, it's because her words charm the very birds from the trees, (yes, as they drop dead to the floor).

It's not just the 'bring back Arlene' attitude that inspires me to write this, I really have found her comments to be patronising, irritating and grammatically challenging. It's the same with lots of these judges, all we really want is some honesty, call it like it is - you can't dance, you can't sing, you have no talent, would you like to be a judge? (That was for Amanda Holden).

Will the best dancer win on Strictly, perhaps. Will the best singer win on X Factor, perhaps. Will the world keep turning no matter what happens? Yep.

Lots of work today and some tidying of the office space so that Mrs B can move all of her work stuff in, we are having our passage painted at some point and we need to move obstructions you see.

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On this day in 1966, 1967,1978,1987 and 2000, there were some quite nasty plane crashes. I would suggest if you are planning on flying today, you postpone.

It seems strange that when you look back over history, plane crashes are something that became more prevalent only in the last 100 years or so, before that there were very few plane crashes reported.

It is my contention that freedom of the press and 24hour rolling news has bought this to our attention and someone should really look into why plane crashes in the 17th and 18th century went unreported. I suspect that Queen Victoria had a lot to do with it, she was never fond of flying.

One of my ancestors was a flight pioneer, Icarus Wellington, strapped some boards to his arms and jumped from the top of a newsstand, but he was too near The Sun and became distracted by the Page Three Girl and crashed into a pillar box. He was posted to other duties.

And that's a fact!