The View from the Hill on Saturday 17th October

Just a little stiff this morning, from the golf!

This is the start of a very busy week, with work every day until next Saturday when I firstly have to go and have my flu jab and then a little group of us head off to London to see a show and drink champagne - I will have earned it!

I was thinking about the man who has been sent to prison for giving a three year old a cigarette, it seems a very stupid thing to do but 18 months in prison seems a little harsh especially as just the same day a man, a teacher, who admitted downloading 8,000 pornographic images of children was given a non custodial sentence. Once again our legal system delivered anything other than justice.

If they want to restore confidence in the Justice system, we need to see 27 MP's imprisoned for fiddling their taxes, that would give me great personal comfort in the system.

HMRC was very quick to send me a letter saying I owe them £31.50 in National Insurance contributions, I will write the cheque today as I don't want the Treasury to fold because I didn't pay up, we are in enough financial mess without people like me selfishly holding onto £31.50!

I suppose what I am hinting at in my own clumsy style is that "them and us" still seems to be what most of us feel about the law and taxes etc.

It's like the time I got caught for speeding, I was angry but I paid up and took my medicine, if I was rich I could have employed one of these scurrilous turds who make a living out of getting people off, I think they are called solicitors, but I think scurrilous turds suit them better.

Guilt or innocence is weighed in the scales of Justice, blindfolded against prejudice, but they didn't cover her ears did they, and she can hear the chink chink chink of the thirty silver pieces dropping into her handbag!

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On this day in 1925 Harry Carpenter was born, the now famous sports commentator almost didn't have a career in TV thanks to a second cousin of mine named Forrest Stopz and his fish allergy. Forrest was a refugee from Armenia and he was a highly trained tailor, his fame for bespoke suits spread far and wide. Carpenter went to Forrest for a suit to be made so that he could impress the BBC bosses but being the son of a Billingsgate Fish Seller, Carpenter stank of old fish heads and guts so Forrest was forced to hold his nose during the measurements being taken, this meant the suit did not fit as well as it should have done and Carpenter almost lost the job. Luckily, Carpenter redeemed himself by offering a small parcel of John Dory to the BBC producer and the rest is history, if you know what I mean.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on the evening of Friday October 16th

I have had a great day on the golf course at Market Rasen, raising much needed cash for Matt's Fund. ( I will put a link for those who want to know more ).

Anyway, I played well enough to put some points towards our team score but the star of the day was Liam Richard Naulls, teenage superstar who from this day forward will be known not as Tiger Woods but Cougar Naulls. He quietly prowled the fairways and banged the ball into the hole time after time and embarrassed both myself and his father with his excellent play!

He is a very quiet young man, unassuming and not one to take a compliment easily but he got plenty today and I want to say publicly for the record he is a very special part of life for both Mrs B and myself.

It was nice to see Bob and Di Boulton, and Charles and Guy too, I don't often see families after the event so to speak, but I am glad to be able to push a little money to what is a very good cause.

I have played golf since 1978 and have never really mastered the game but I do love being out in the fresh air, playing with friends, having a relaxing time and I thorughly recomemnd it!

So, Matt's Fund - Matt died of malignant melanoma aged just 24 and his parents are gathering funds for research into this disorder which kills many each year.

For more info please go to WWW.facebook.com/matts-fund

Thanks.

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On this day in 1854 Oscar Wilde was born - he wrote things and so do I.

And that's a fact!

Not that anyone cares but the View from the Hill for Friday will appear in the late evening due to golf.

Thank you and goodnight.

The View from the Hill on Thursday 15th October

Rushing today and tomorrow but will try and give this my fullest attention.

Nothing much in the news today, someone slapped Leona Lewis, someones fiddling the figures at the NHS, some MP's are revolting over the repayment of their expenses, blah blah.

I don't understand why someone would want to slap Leona, perhaps he could be directed to the House of Commons to slap the MP's instead, seems an eminently more sensible use of his skill and time.

No news days should be greeted with joy because that means nothing terrible is happening, well not exactly, all over the word there will be little disasters that go unreported, but not important enough to break through the sometimes painful veneer of crap that passes as news.

I love proper news, as a youngster and when on holiday at my aunts, she always allowed me to stop up and watch New at Ten, she thought it important we know about the world and what was happening. I still love proper news and debate and find it very irritating that some people not only do not follow the news but have no opinions on what is happening. Especially young people, those who will inherit this planet, they seem to wander around with blind eyes failing to see that even at their age they could invest themselves with some information that might stand them in good stead in the future.

Locally, I was asked to sit on a scoop and I managed it, as a local BBC stringer or Community Correspondent as they now call them, I was made aware of some political upheaval, but I sat on the story but I did get a letter publicised in the local paper, having a dig at our elected Mayor. It only takes a minute to be informed and involved, I highly recommend it, especially sending letters of abuse to the paper about the Mayor. Oh my goodness, I'm turning into my grandfather!

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On this day in 1964 Cole Porter died, the famous composer of such songs as Night and Day. Cole Porter was not always a song writer, when he was at school with my great Uncle Peter, he always spoke of his desire to make ladies handbags and accessories. Uncle Peter advised him that such work might be regarded as a little prissy and Porter winked and simply said, Anything Goes. It's just One of Those things that Got Under My Skin, it will be De-Lovely. He changed his mind when he realised his head was full of song titles.

And that's a fact

The View from the Hill on Wednesday 14th October

It's the well known rule of three - bad things come in threes, celebrities always die in threes, it's always that way - well now singers die in threes!

Young Mr Gateley is now followed by Al Martino and Ian Wallace, the latter two having slightly bigger voices.

Martino was famous for Here In My Heart and appearing in The Godfather, Ian Wallace was famous in our house when we were growing up because we listened to My Music with Steve Race and Ian Wallace.

His most memorable song - The Hippopotamus by Flanders and Swann but he sang other songs with that deep bass voice of his.

We were bought up in a house were music was always being played, records on the huge radiogram, music on the radio, music quizzes on the telly. Face the Music was another favourite with Joseph Cooper and Robin Ray, occasionally Joyce Grenfell.

I think this exposure to all sorts of music from early doors has led me to having quite eclectic taste, Country and Western, Pop, Classical, Soundtracks, Shows, you name it and my ipod has an example. I suppose easy listening is still my real favourite, perhaps the influence of Jimmy Young, Pete Murray and David Jacobs who were just as famous as Wogan in their day.

Anyway, I suppose Martino's musical legacy is secure, he will still get air time, Gateley too, but I wonder if we shall hear Ian Wallace on the radio anytime soon. Never mind, I know where I will hear him...in my head, and perhaps on my ipod if I can find a track to download.

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On this day in 1926, the book Winnie The Pooh was published. Written by A A Milne the book tells the story of a little bear and his friends who live in the 100 Acre Wood.

What you might not know is that this bear was not real, in fact he was based on a relative of mine Edward Baer. Edward Baer was famous in his village for the way he could call his horses home at night by standing on his front door step and neighing at the top of his voice, the horses then came home...he also trained the cows to come home at the same time so he didn't have to stand there too long. This skill earned him the nickname - Ted Whinny.

The only trouble was with all these animals living at a small semi detached council house, there were complaints about the noise and the mess.

AA Milne was lost, and sat looking through his AA Atlas on the side of the road just near Ted Whinny's house when it all kicked off - there was loud neighing, lots of shouting and hooves beating up the streets and then the excited creatures defecated all over the place, disturbed by the neighbours and the neighing. Milne then heard the remonstrating neighbours shout at Baer, it's the shit Whinny, we can't be doing with the shit!

Now this stuck with Milne and he was looking for a title for his new children's book,but his publisher wasn't pleased when Milne suggested Whinny The Shit, so they softened the title with a little Senna and henceforth the world came to love Winnie The Pooh.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Tuesday 13th October

I have to do some stripping today, wallpaper, in readiness for the re-decoration of a bedroom. The preparation is the worst bit isn't it? I don't mind papering and painting but rubbing down and all that palaver, not very keen.

Of course as anyone will tell you it is the prep work that makes the finished thing look so wonderful, this is true in so many aspects of life, and certainly true for the preparation that Attenborough put into this latest nature series, Life.

Watched it last night and was fascinated by the little glimpses into creatures lives, no more than two minutes on the screen but months of preparation and filming and editing. I think the licence fee is well spent if we get to see three Cheetahs biting chunks out of Ostriches and Crab Eater Seals outsmarting a pod of Killer Whales. Seeing that poor little Penguin getting devoured by a Leopard Seal really did show nature red in tooth and claw but for me the magic of survival of the fittest and the glory of adaptation was never better illustrated than those little brown Capuchin Monkeys knocking the shit out of those nuts with a big, sod off stone!

Dave reckoned it takes them eight years to learn the skill, with intelligence like that I fancy having one stand against our sitting MP at the next election. We won't have to worry about expenses, just a big stone and some nuts, in fact Eric Capuchin MP could start by bashing the ex MP's nuts and thereby letting him demonstrate what so many of us feel.

Vote Eric Capuchin - British Monkey Party or BMP - ( it's like the BNP only less smelly ).

Just see it now, Eric swinging through the House of Commons, British Jobs for British Monkeys!

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Margaret Thatcher is 84 today, as you know she was born in Grantham and strangely Grantham was a place that I worked once, just for a few hours in 1979. I was asked to wait outside the office of a very important man who after a couple of hours came out and said, "who are you"? I explained who I was and that I was supposed to be working for him - his reply was "No - go to Stamford". So I went to Stamford and on the way I passed the corner shop where Maggie had been raised. She was not there, apparently she was starting a new job too in London, they were interviewing for her replacement , seeing if people could estimate how many humbugs were in the sweet jar. I didn't stop. I was going to Stamford.

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Monday 12th October

The most important thing for any Humanist or Secularist worth his salt, is the ability and the freedom to think for themselves, to express views that are well thought out and based in fact, to support positions that are likewise empirically based, and it is the very freedom to think that makes us the unique and individual creatures we are.

Today is Free Thought Day, the day which is set aside to celebrate Free Thinking as well indicate the giant step taken by one man some 300 years ago when he bought an end to The Salem Witch Trials by making a decision which went against the beliefs and mainstream thinking of the day.

Here was a man, called Phipps, who put his head above the parapet and dared to think a free thought, who made that thought count for something, who believed in his innate ability and right to be different and to share that difference openly with the world.

"To be or not to be, that is the question" - on a day like today, we have the right to be who we are, we should be proud of who we are and what we think and what we want to do with our uniqueness. As you know earlier in the week I wrote about Matthew Shepard, today is the anniversary of his death, he was killed for being brave enough to 'suffer the slings and arrows', and all over the world people are being persecuted simply for believing and thinking and following a free thought which is an inalienable human right.

So here's to Matt Shepherd, here's to Aung San Suu Kyi, here's to all the prisoners of conscience and here's a chance for you to think today.

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30 years ago, this was the last day at number one for The Police with Message in A Bottle. They were knocked off the top spot by Buggles and Video Killed The Radio Star.

If you recall the video for Message in Bottle, Sting is shown throwing a bottle into the sea containing his message and in return loads of bottles return, in fact one hundred billion bottles turn up. Well what you might not know is that me and my friend Peter were part of the team of teenagers used to fill those bottles for the video. We both had 74 bottles to fill and the messages inside all had to say the same...please do not throw bottles into the sea, it's polluting!

And that's a fact!

The View from the Hill on Sunday 11th October

It's one of those days today, one of those days when you have a plan about what you might write about but then circumstances make it seem unimportant.

But then you are left with a blank page and you can't let it sit there so in an effort not to seem worthy and overly sentimental, and acknowledging that the death of Stephen Gately at the age of 33 must be a shock, let me talk about X Factor and Strictly.

I had the good fortune to be invited to a glamorous party last evening, all the top people were there from Kate Moss to Daniella Westbrook, whose nose has never looked better by the way. Fashionistas whirled about me in a blaze of laser disco lights, the cheese and pickle sandwiches being eaten with gay abandon and bottle upon bottle of Archers being dispatched with brio and panache.

Anyway, after about 40 minutes I was bored and we managed to sneak out, get home and have tea and then watch Strictly and X Factor via the beauty of Sky+.

There was an air of relief that Bruce managed to get through the whole programme without putting his foot in it and Du Beke also toned down his supercilious smile for one night. He must be gutted to hear the news that his presenting career is to be curtailed, after The Wall he was supposed to relaunch 3-2-1 but the imposition of a Taliban waste receptacle as the booby prize meant he was no longer suitable, Anton Du Beke and Dusty Bin Laden not a good combination!

X Factor - well how disappointing, not one decent performance until the last act, Danyl managed to give a half decent show but I suspect it seemed better than it was due to the others being so crap. Danni Minogue slipped a good shot in about his bi sexuality which Simon didn't like but all in all it was a bit of a let down.

I don't know how many million people watched the show but think of all those man hours wasted, we could have used them to do something useful like have a raffle for Gordon Brown's guide dog.

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Today is Old Michelmas, the day after which you should not eat blackberries. You may have heard the story that on this day the devil fell from Heaven to Yorkshire and he landed in a blackberry bush and so angry was he that he pissed on the berries and turned them sour. Now perhaps you didn't know that in an effort to retell this wonderful old fable I have been pissing on the blackberries in Tesco for years.

And that's a fact!

PS

The stuff about the party is an in joke for very few readers but if you ever go to Gedling, you must call in at The Phoenix Pub! But be warned!!